Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.

Friday

A Lesbian "How I Miss That"

I wanted to write an essay ..a blog post if you will ..called "Gawd I miss that."

It has been for me now 400 plus days since my lesbian sexual liason.  In my "double life" that I lead as a small town married mom who has realized that "bisexual" is no longer the term that describes me, for as a woman who had come to call herself "lesbian"  in her heart, mind, in blogs and in confessions to befriended fellow travelers, I have come to accept that "Lesbian" for most women is a lifestyle.  My lifestyle is decidededly NOT lesbian. It is small town christian married mom, and thats something that doesn't lend itself to the "lesbian"
 that I know I truly am.   But for me, at least for now, lesbian is what I am in lust (not just daily, but minute to minute), in bed with all my passion (but not there in more than the previously mentioned 400 plus days) and in masturbatory fantasy (not nearly as much time or privacy as I used to have.)

So ..with many changes in my life, the lust builds and builds and builds.  And yes, there have been chances to get my face wet, but those have not felt right or haven't panned out, or especially lately, have not come close to having the time or freedom to explore.  And yes, it makes my heart hurt, and yes, I accept the emails from those who say "just come out honey, it will be allright."   I think I will get there ..I've been close to it a few times.  Til then I will keep carrying the weight.

But Gawd I miss that. 

The response of her tongue in that first kiss ...the mutual melting ...the holding each others weight up for the knees that weaken in torrid embrace ...oh how I miss that.
When I pull up on the laptop any kind of lesbian porn that has me believing they aren't so faking and acting, and one womans eyes flare at the other in surprise of what was done by lips or tongue, or when  her eyes roll back in sheer pleasure ....I KNOW what thats like, I have made women feel that before, and yes, Gawd I MISS that.

When I remember times when a lovers  nipples stiffen at the flick of my tongue, soften when I suck, and poke outward again at the gentle graze of my teeth, gawd I miss that. When a soft skinned, free of body hair, large breasted woman plops directly on top of me and begins to writhe, either kissing me, sucking my earlobes, gnawing my neck and skin meshed against me -breast to breast, thigh to thigh, let's me know how "into me" she is, oh GAWD I miss it sooooo much.

In going down on her, the squirming, clutching, thrusting, or even still freezing, combined with the sounds of her cooing, moaning, sometimes screaming or squealing, in pleasure or disbelief or in loving appreciation ...the rumbling, quivering, pulsating muscle tightening, intensifying to the apex of her explosion as I lick it, suck it, sloppy, passionately, with EVERYTHING I have to give, oh  gawd how I miss that.

And the connection ...when established ..when I can give her my pleasure and the power of my own eruption devours our emotions, and the following bliss of sweet holding, soft caress and massage, and the COMING (cumming as everyone loves to spell it) becomes the wonder of coming down.  And oh my goodness how I miss that ...so much.
I miss it with those whom I have tasted, desired to taste, and when the number of days get reset to zero, whenever that is, I'll miss it with her. 

6 comments:

Indi said...

I fully understand. I am gay in my world but I am married with rebellious children (who could make my life hell) I got married with parents from old school who weren't into gay fok, couldn't imagine tellin them I was gay, so I got married to an amazin man, 27 years ago. I came out as gay at work and to all my friends... who they wonder why I have a rough time being gay... I do and I miss the lesbian kissing, skin on skin... so I know exactly where you are coming from.


Indi


xx

Blissful said...

I definitely know what you're going through - although, as you know from our many talks before about this, I've had much more opportunity and taken opportunity than you have. But that doesn't stop me from feeling all those. I, too, was married, and definitely had the feelings in my mind, that I was, indeed, lesbian. I stopped feeling anything for my husband (when we did have sex, it was like "are we done yet?" or I would just think of it being a woman going down on me... and then I stopped having sex with him all together... But, yeah, I definitely know where you're coming from...

Playfully Yours said...

I do understand. I have to say that I am Bi but not opposed to being with a woman for a true relationship. It has been a long time for me as well.
Gawd, I miss that!

PY

Anonymous said...

ok well i too am married and goin through a devorce because my marriage got to the point to where we did not have sex at all...and i never kissed him or anything,i wouldnt even look at him...but,even though i may not know right now how it feels,i will say that i had to go 5 1/2 years knowing 100% that i was lesbian without telling a soul..and when i did it was amazing all the people i thought would be against me were for me and it just takes time and it has to be your time not anyone elses..or it wont go right....the time will come and every one that matters and loves you will have your back sweetie..

xxx

Anonymous said...

ok well i too am married and goin through a devorce because my marriage got to the point to where we did not have sex at all...and i never kissed him or anything,i wouldnt even look at him...but,even though i may not know right now how it feels,i will say that i had to go 5 1/2 years knowing 100% that i was lesbian without telling a soul..and when i did it was amazing all the people i thought would be against me were for me and it just takes time and it has to be your time not anyone elses..or it wont go right....the time will come and every one that matters and loves you will have your back sweetie..
kristin
xxx

Anonymous said...

i am in love with a married woman but so many times she is telling me that we cannot have sex coz she is feeling guilty about her huby and i always say i am gonna leave her but i cannot coz i am crazy in love with her and willing to take it just for her, i donot know i feel i cannot leave her and sometimes i feel i cannot stay with her, what to do.

jane

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