Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.

Tuesday

Question and answers for akiss2desire

Just us ladies in the room 
I always appreciate the questions I get and some meaningful dialogues are sometimes the result.  I think while I am sometimes in writers block for the mix of lesbian fantasy and reality (not much reality lately LOL) I write about, the things I wanted to convey about myself, my closet lesbian life, and the urges, feelings, opinions and experiences sometimes more easily flow from my mind in question and answer form.   Sometimes I share those questions and answers here, while keeping the "asker" anonymous.  This is far from the most erotic post (ie: it probably won't make you horny) but there are plenty of things in the archives for the first timers.   So ..here are some of the questions asked and answered recently by me, akiss2desire.

And before we begin ..I have a question for you (the reader.)   I have 2 friends who are telling me how great the Kindle and Nook electronic readers are. Now that beach season is over ..I am probably late on this but, let me ask anyway.  If I compile my 10 or 15 best stories, fantasies and experiences in a form that could be taken on the go (The Best Of ...) would it be of use to anyone ?   Would it be something you'd (gulp) pay a small pittance for ?   Let me know at akiss2desire@gmail.com or in response to this post.   
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Dear Akiss2desire,
I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago and since then I’ve been hooked. I decided to write you after reading that you are addicted to feedback and also that you actually do respond to your e-mails sometimes. Hopefully you will have a moment free from your busy schedule to read this one.
Your stories are …delicious. I love your style of writing and the way you delicately select the words you use to bring us into another world. My favorite is the one about the woman you were in love with who left you but came back to you just for sex. The way you described how when you finally got back together you jumped straight to fucking, just like that without even speaking, was incredibly hot. I can only imagine the attraction that must have been between you two. I  wish…but you give proof that it's possible. I masturbate, and I thought it was a lot  (that's relative) before I found your blog but since then it’s been like every day, sometimes more than once. Crazy huh? Thank you for your work and for sharing your experiences. Please don’t quit. I’m sure that if you persevere long enough you will achieve everything you aspire to, including your book being published



I would also like to ask you a few questions; they are personal but this is anonymous and you seem to share just about everything else anyway. I can’t believe that you actually plan how you will describe your experience on your blog during sex. That’s just something on a whole other level that I don’t know how to describe.


I just threw that out in the way that I let my stream of conscious dictate what I write ...I was asked about it by lovers and I had to admit it to them, but I didnt think I had admitted it on the blog before.  On the other hand, I don't think I am so self conscious about this blog that I find myself saying "Ive got to find someone to make love to or I won't have anything to write about."   In fact, when I have tried to hard for love / sex ...I have had my heart hurt, if not broken. 


And I understand that you have to keep your whole lesbian life a secret because of your son. That’s very noble of you and he’s very lucky to have come into this world with you as his mother. Do you think that one day after he is grown you will leave your husband and finally have an open relationship with a woman? 

I think about it all the time.   My day to day, week to week, living the closet life as a church going, community involved working mom, pretending to be fairly happy wife is really not that painful...we are more economically comfortable as a pair and my husband, who is an asshole to me, is pretty good with his son.  Our family life, or home life, is truthfully not that bad.  Somebody must know that there is more to life than sexual pursuit ..sexual desire and all that takes up alot of my emotions and I reason that at some point, it probably will happen that I will get divorced, get caught and be forced to divorce, or whatever.  If it never happens, I am ok with it ...I can imagine myself settling down with one particular woman, or being wild and making love with as many women as are willing LOL.   (either sounds ok to me )  It would be such a HUGE change in my life, its hard to believe it might happen ..but I suppose its possible.
  If there is one thing that never changes is that everything changes.



Also, even though you are careful have you thought about the possibility of being caught too soon and the consequences of  that? Are you afraid that you might hook up with the wrong woman one day who might decide to out you for some vicious reason?


GOOD QUESTION and I am living the answer !  I am more afraid of trusting someone who isn't who they appear to be.  There is even a woman I have had contact with recently whom I decided to cool it with before we ever got to the hot and heavy and the biggest reason was a vibe that was just coming across as aggressive and possibly the kind of woman who might burn the house down if scorned. I had skipped around that situation with a lover before, and it was nerve wracking. So ..YES ..that crosses my mind and thats not just a F2F thing...if I were having affairs with men I would feel the same way.


Are you a religious woman at all and if so how does that part of you affect your  feelings about your lifestyle?


I am a christian woman who goes to a very conservative church.  My pastor preaches often about infidelity...but has never preached against homosexuality.  I believe that I have flaws and in my prayers ask for forgiveness for them.  My flaws are not that I want to make love with women, but I DO believe the wrongest thing I do is take chances and perhaps might get caught which would do damage not just to me, which I could take, but also to family ...which is really my first priority. I know that I have been involved in conversations about bible verses that are believed to say homosexuality is such an unforgiveable sin ...I am not the best christian and tend to be a cafeteria christian...taking a little here and little there and making sure it betters my life ..but some churches say you cant have a beer and wine....My choices sure wouldn't be welcome there either. 
Maybe if you have time you could lend a few words of wisdom. I’m 26 years old (next week) HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! and I have just recently allowed myself to open up to the idea that I’m bisexual. I was raised in a religious home and taught that homosexuality of any kind is wrong. I’m still not sure about that but I know I can’t deny what I feel any longer. When I was younger I just thought that I liked the way that other females looked, more in an aesthetic sense not in a sexual way, and I told myself that I would never actually want to do anything with a woman. However, since about a year ago it’s completely flipped;  I see the beauty in every woman that walks past me. I just can’t wait anymore! I’m literally aching to put my lips on a woman, stop and smell her, to feel her skin against my skin, to know what it’s like when she climaxes for me. Sigh… I have been with men before, but honestly ever since I started reading your blog I’m not at all interested in having sex with a man. At least not for now.
Beginnings: Lesbians Talk About the First Time They Met Their Long-Term Partner
What you describe is similar to my feelings and experience ...in stages of acceptance ...I have gone from the realization that "of course I am bisexual" at a very early age, to realizing that not only would I like for that to happen I wanted to persue it ...and then in my twenties, the going over the cliff that you describe ..the "flip" of realization that it was likely all I wanted sexually anymore...and that whatever I had done with men was for such different reasons that it was like comparing apples to oranges ..while both sex with men and sex with women are both sex, involve playing with the naughty bits, involve intimacy and involve orgasm....they are truly of different worlds in every aspect.  Now, can i say that it HAS to be more than just my little old blog ....you must have been seeking something that came to fruition ..and the realization that you are ready to quit fantasizing and make something happen is yet another one of those steps along the way. When you say "I cant wait anymore" I am rooting for you and now as you are further looking for opportunities to arise, your fantasy may be fulfilled sooner than you know.

 
 
I have several issues though. First of all I’m extremely shy and I don’t have the first idea as to how to “befriend” another woman in that way. I would hate to come on to the wrong person and be made to look like a total fool. I know you said to expect rejection but still, how can you tell who is who?


I am African American, not extremely attractive but not ugly either. I try to keep my body in good shape, I’ve got average sized breasts, and a substantial “asset”. I dress fairly conservatively, nothing flashy, no makeup, heels, dresses or anything like that. So I’m not even sure if another girl would be attracted to me in that way. How do I know? Another thing is I’m currently being trained for my future profession at a small school where people like to talk and I don’t want anything to happen which could adversely affect my career. In other words I need to keep it on the down low. And like you, I absolutely don’t want my family to know. Unfortunately I’m not as brave as you are to try and meet random women online for sex. I just couldn’t do it. I just feel that I should have discovered this about myself a long time ago and that time is somehow running out. So what do you think? Am I totally screwed or what?


This is one of the main things I wanted to address when i got this note from you.  You know that I have looked for love in some wrong places ..it has worked for me ..I have been lucky lately too in being able to sense a vibe with a couple of women locally.   With the girl I met who was literally a cashier at Target, it was like sparks flying from the start ..I was noticing her, she was noticing me noticing her and looking at me "that way," and somehow and indescribably we opened door after door to one another til we made love, fell in love, and broke it shattering against the pavement of our lives.   I am at a loss to tell you exactly how that happened except to say that when i tell you I was looking for someone to open a door the day I took a chance on showing her my interest, I would tell you that in the past 4 - 5 years I am ALWAYS looking.   However, I asked the question you asked online to women and in forums as well and got much different answers.  If you google and  ask "where do I meet women ..how will i know," you are going to get alot of "gym locker room," and "join a volleyball league" stuff.  That all may work for you too.   It may come up in conversation with just the right person as well.   Being honest and setting yourself up for rejection may be part of the process.  I am trying to be of help ...but it probably is almost of no help if i reply honestly that its different for every woman, and I went Y E A R S between sexual experiences (and am in a "dry spell now as I write this) because so many possibilities online and in flirtation fell through.  Like I would get close to someone and she would give me every indication I should persue it, and Id get hot and think "this is gonna happen," and the next time she'd act like she didnt like me at all. It is just so different and YOU will find your way.  


Hi,
    I just wanted to write you and let you know how much your blogs have helped me. I have been following your sites for about nine months now. I began to question my sexuality seriously around then. I was sitting in class when a girl I had never seen before walked through the door and made me melt. I felt butterflies, anxious, and nervous. I could feel the heat rising on my skin as it crept up to my face. I had never felt anything like that before in my life. I had just been waiting for that special boy to come into my life, but he never did. I didn't understand why I never was boy crazy like the other girls. Sure, I thought they were cute, but that was all. This girl changed everything for me. I was completely mesmerized by her. I found your site when I was just trying to figure all these new feelings out. It can be very confusing to get the lovestruck preteen feelings in college. Your work helped me realize that I wasn't emotionally void of romantic feelings, but in fact attracted to women. As I read I became more sure of myself and more relieved. Your writings were so moving that I continued to read even after I became more comfortable with myself. You still help me today, but in more "grown up" ways shall we say haha. I find it to be the best erotica around. I love reading your perspective and you always put words together so seamlessly. The raw and tender emotions make me feel like I am living your fantasies and experiences. Sometimes it is like you are making love to me (I wish!). For someone who is a total newbie that can be extremely powerful. I always wish I had someone after reading your newest entries. Please continue to update; your site truly is one of a kind..
Just so you know ... your words truly moved me.  For whatever reason, the realization of our sexual selves, for most personality types, is at least partially suppressed.  I have been able in the last few years to let it out to myself, let it out to a few lovers (lucky me) and let it out, of course, on this blog. Whether it is clear on the blog or not, I can tell you that I write from a mixture of fantasy and experience.   I am sooooo in the closet in the small Virginia town I live in.  I am still married to a man who I have decided to stay with for now, even though everything I do with women is a blatant extra marital affair, complete with the sneakiness and all the stress that goes with that, I think whats best for my son, (for now) is to keep the family together.  I can tell that I am cracking a bit on this, as I was opening an account at a bank last week and answered a question to a virtual stranger, the girl opening my account, that I was "married ...we live under the same roof, but ...there's nothing happening there."   Couldn't believe myself for saying that outloud  ...and yet ...it was half motivated by attraction to the sweetheart in front of me.  

This stuff happens and because its inside of us we have to roll with it.  I am so moved by your carefully thought out letter.   I am sloooowwwly starting to believe in myself as a writer.  A letter like yours to start the day gives me a myriad of emotions and inspiration.  I thank you so very much.  I truly truly mean that. (yeah ..I'm gushing a bit LOL)  
 
I am a married woman in the south, married a long time but no kids, who has begun the process of accepting my lesbian side (not sure if I am bi or not) but I do need some advice.  

I am not prepared to leave my marriage, but want to be with a woman.  I can find interested women online but I am so worried about safe sex, since most of the women I meet online who are interested in a fling are not monogamous.

I think I must be the most selfish person on the planet, I want my cake and eat it too.

Thoughts? I can really use a friend with experience :)
 
First of all ...I know from both my own experience and the notes I get that sound alot like yours that I get since this blog went from a few hits a week to the more than 4000 a month it gets now...that you are not alone.

Since I started this blog I have gone from having made love with 3 women over the course of nearly a dozen years, to now having been with 8 women total and feeling like that is not nearly enough LOL.   I am accepting more each day that I am as a lover and a cuddler and a seducer, seducee, and perhaps someday as a partner ..that I am lesbian.  And yes, I am lesbian married to a man who does not know and what he does know he does not approve of.  So, in some things, we have alot in common.   A big difference for you is that you say dont have kids.

My day to day friends don't know and I can't tell the ones in my closest circle ...but where I have taken chances in flirtation and bolder comments  has been with those I consider acquaintances...seeming safe...and a couple of things seemed like amazing and meant to be "opportunities" that I felt confident and more confident about "going for."
Wow can we be more similar?....I thank you for your friendship - to help with replying maybe I can ask specific questions.

1.  Is there a specific site online you would suggest to meet women? (I am using Fling at the moment)
2. I suspect my husband would end our marriage if he found out, you mentioned your husband does not know but what he does he does not approve of - I didn't understand that.
3.  Safe sex, am I making a big deal about it?  with men I was totally uncompromising on this.
4.  I have not ever cheated on anyone I have been in a relationship with, so there is that tension about what I want to do. On one hand I see it as something different, that I cannot get in my marriage and do not think it will threaten it as I am not looking for a relationship with a woman - am I naive in thinking this? Once I have been with  a woman I am sure I will not be the same.

I Kissed a Girl: Erotic Fiction on First Time Lesbian Encounters As for advising what on earth to do, I can't ...and in fact, much of what I did would be considered if not physically dangerous, definitely risky in that I have now for many years put my family's well being at risk to have affairs ..and I would not ever advise that  as the right choice for anyone else.  Having said that ..I believe when I FINALLY am ready to begin the divorce process it will be a new life I suppose. 

1-Specific Site ?   No, I am a married woman in a small town ...and if you have to do this discreetly, probably the one you stumbled on is as good as any.    Listen, there is alot in the news about Craigs list, but for me in my little corner of the world, the most honest and sincere responses I got was from the blurb I put on Craigs list.  I met a woman that way and actually TURNED DOWN some possibilities that had much going for them but the chemistry wasn't right. I also met a woman from yahoo chat ..and another from aol chat ...so online has been cool and worked for me but risky.   ANYTHING you do, just don't take too many chances....meet publicly of course...never meet anyone without talking on phone first to make sure its not a guy etc.  

3-The safe sex question is this.   I cannot imagine a woman having something and not revealing it.  Nevermind that what we are doing is performing amateur exams upon one another ...I just cannot imagine if a woman knows, not revealing it.  The risk would be if she has something and doesn't yet know. 

2-4 --The comment about my husband and cheating go together.

Explaining my comment about my husband.  We have been married for 9 years now, but half of those have been pretty much me staying with him because of my now 8 year old son.   I havent love loved him for years...things have been said that can't be taken back.   When I more loved and trusted him, I was partially honest about lesbian experiences I had before I married him.  I wasnt completely honest about how intense and fulfilling these were ...but in general he knows I had that and for a few months we did that thing where we looked online as a couple for threesome partners because I THOUGHT (wrongly) that was the best way to handle the intensity of lesbian desire I was experiencing.  Basically, I can tell you that ...and I can't believe its been this long ago, that when I was pregnant and perhaps hormone aided or affected, I more realized I had been mostly lesbian in my desires since my teens...no matter my actions which were mainstream date men, get a husband, have a baby.   In bed, in fantasy, I have given up even calling myself bisexual ....I am pretty much gay and should have known when i was in my teens, but if that had happened, I wouldnt have my son.  So, all things for a reason.  SO ...when I say he doesn't know, I mean that I expend ALOT of energy and risk to our family by keeping this a secret ...  I am as close to a "double life" as you will ever know ..and truthfully, its now difficult to reconcile that. When I say "what he knows he doesnt like" it means that he knows I had lesbian experiences before him, desired them while I was with him and actively sought them (in threesomes) and now when we fight he uses that knowledge against me. He has accused me of having an affair more than a few times and has even said "I bet its not even a guy."  So ..its been ugly ...NO PITY though, I have long known my situation and chose my battles ....you must know the consequences if you go about it this way ..Dont say the girl from the blog suggested you go out and have affairs....it might go well, it might not.

Will having lesbian sex change everything ?   YES.  ...I think instinctively you already know this.  There are alot of "oh shit" firsts that in a lesbian experience...not just the first one but every one of them, that you already know about without having experienced them.  Obviously a first kiss , the first time your breasts meet hers sexually, the first time you feel her wetness and the ways she will touch you...and you will know the difference in softness and the melting of souls that women have together if ..IF you can climb in the bubble together.  When you feel a woman react to your touch ...sooooo different than with men ...knowing she's wet (not hard) for YOU ...and amazing things that feel good in both sexual but also spiritual ways. 

Can you do this on a "lets just have sex and not get involved" way ?   Yes and No.  I guarantee that unless you have a good "wall" that you can put up, that in making love you will feel love.  I have been with women who put up the wall and left some of their intensity and affection at home ..in sensing this it made for less of an experience in making love. I am someone who just gives myself sooooo completely in making love ...always been that way with men and women ...only way it feels right to me.  But, yes, I know for fact you can "do it' and not get involved ..and I also know that you can fall so in love, as I did, that the pain of ending it can be the darkest day, just like any relationship.  Depends on your own walls.  Mine were soft and I never loved anyone so much as the one I loved, and even though its been a year and a few months now since we stopped seeing each other, I wish often to open my email and see her write me to reunite. You may find someone as well with a powerful bedroom chemistry that because of your marital circumstance, you are unable to peruse in the other ways. 

Finally...you mention the "selfish" aspect.  I have said that about me for a long time.   We aren't the first women to seek affection outside of marriage, and especially when it is so compelling as what women are together within the reality of lesbian sex.  If you find someone you can be discreet with it I would say ...based on my experience...that you are never going to know how incredible making love with a woman can be until you go for it in some way...but I would also say that whle it will always be orgasmic F2F, it will be meaningful if you find someone you really care about.  Thats the next level .

I love answering your questions and getting to know you.   Write back and I will answer anything you want.  I love erotic honesty...and the truth is, honesty is a powerful aphrodesiac.
So ..thats the latest installment of question and answers. Love to know your comments . 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this blog and to answer your question I would definitely give a few dollars to have a collection of your stories for Kindle.

I like your answers to the questions but I have to comment that you seem to have a strained home life. Have you considered an open marriage?

Sence you are answering questions, I have one to ask. I hope it isnt too gross. Have you ever hooked up with a girl while one of you was having your period ? I'm not against it but my girl wont even talk about it.

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