Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.

Sunday

Lesbian Masturbation Monologue for the Horny Bi Mom


 I let my fingers slip down over my belly and down to my mound, and when I squeeze the lips together and roll them back and forth between my thumb and index finger, the wetness slishes and sloshes there and causes a stir deep within. At first my clit tingles and I enjoy the tease, but when it starts to burn, the feeling emanates from my swollen clit and engulfs the whole of my loins, the wet walls of my vagina spilling forth from my lips, and the ache signals my fingers and hands that they can tickle and tease all they want, but at some point, that will be far from enough as I have gone quickly over the edge...from the point where when I touch myself there I might be asking IF I would like to go all the way, and now, short of the ring of the phone or a knock on the door, or a time commitment, my pussy now aches to let this go and there is no turning back.

My mind wanders to what it does when I play with myself.  I get aroused in deep thoughts of not just the act of lesbian sexuality with her, but also for how it comes about and gets to the point where we both are beyond making out, and making love. I allow my fingertips to dally about in the soft hair of my full,trimmed, but admittedly, unfashionable these days not shaven bush and let my fingers mingle in the softness while I imagine two things; one, what it must feel like to any woman who touches me there, and two, my mind fast forwards over how much I enjoyed feeling ever other lovers bush and a snapshot in my memory simultaneously reminds me of how it felt to feel those tufts of fur between my fingertips, and also, what each individual womans pussy felt like and looked like up close and in the sovereign  moment just before my mouth engulfed each lovers  point of pleasure.  Oh that sweet moment most treasured of the seconds just before ...of the dampness, the smell of sex and excitement, the milliseconds passing by like months, and of first electric contact and mutual reaction.

With both hands I explore my anatomy there, once again to imagine what it feels like to someone loving me, and also, to reminisce about how different and unique every woman is down there and how fortunate I am to have enjoyed it first hand and to appreciate it as I believe so many women have missed out on the beauty of every woman's individuality there.  A different texture, folds of skin, of the mixtures of browns and pinks, of protruding and hidden clits and of the varieties of swelling, of the pure differences of basic anatomical placement for which there is so much variance, and of the freeze frames of each lover from the first with her soft pink smoothest folds, and easy to observe and arouse clitoris, to my latest with her more flattened mound and the more hidden treasure of her clit which yielded her uncontrollable and from that point steady shuddering and quivering in whatever way my fingers or tongue stimulated it or around it, such a wonderful discovery as she made me feel like she had never been touched in the ways I gave my love.

When I "jill off," (gosh I love that term lately) it is almost never totally spontaneous.  I have to put a towel down.  Let me emphasize HAVE to, and its always been that way since my teens.  There are a few times when I pick up the towel and realize "hmmm...not neccessary this time," but I never know, and most often, it is a good thing that whether I am arousing myself in bed or being aroused at images, vids, stories or conversation at the computer, the towel is something like a seatbelt ..I feel naked without it, and not in a good way.

I give love to myself by pulling my lips apart and entering with a finger not going all the way, and remembering of the women I made love to the pussy so widely accepting my first finger that I could instantly tell she wanted the second and third digit and the deeper the better, and on the other end of the spectrum, she whose muscles clinched down on my middle finger and let me know that was all she needed for the moment and that the way I was flicking her was good.

I most often masturbate by entering my orifice with my middle finger but buried no further than the second kuckle, while flicking the clit up and down with my thumb.  I should probably videotape it because it probably looks funny, and I have watched vids of women masturbating and haven't seen "my" technique duplicated.  I most often am running a romantic scenario of seduction in my mind while I am doing it, focusing much more on the hand holding, hugging and cuddling, and deep and meaningful kissing and making out that precedes anything orgasmic in making love to a woman.  As the tingles turn into shudders and sparks and my orgasm nears, I'll admit my thoughts become ever more sexual but I almost never think about anything wild or kinky as I approach my moment of truth.  I near orgasm and back down ...prolonging the ultimate until It cant be stopped ...so that when I am nearing the first one, the HUGE one, I get almost there, and then wind down, which is when I add a tickle or massage to my thighs or my breasts.  Playing with my boobs, where frankly, as gentle as I am with my pussy, one might be surprised in the throes of masturbation how hard I squeeze them and how hard I pinch my nipples and pull on them . .. yes, even sucking on them sometimes providing the duality of what it feels like to have them sucked, but most prominent in my mind at that moment, how good it feels to arouse a lover in that way.    Sometimes I come on the second ramp up to the moment ..sometimes its the tenth, and I have no way of describing which way is what way when I do it other than to say that my body clearly tells me that "its time ! "    Just as clearly as my body tells me that, it also tells me, almost as soon as my first come's last throb and pulse , whether the tingles say "thats enough, that was good," or, " I gotta do it again."

With my imagination in full swing when I masturbate, it is pretty much only the moments right before I come ...even just the last 30 seconds or so before I think about something that in real one on one sex would actually make me come.   I might be thinking about making out and luxuriating in the softness of our breasts smooshed togehter while we grind against each other, and then, as my mind says, "its time," the fantasy might change to her licking me, or tribbing me, fingering me, or another fantasy I think of very very often, masturbating for her while she watches me without judgement.  I moan and gasp if I am alone in the house ...always have felt better about making noises and letting them out without apology, while laughing about them after the orgasm subsides.   I don't use words ...you won't find me saying anything audible other than "oh" or "ahh," or "uhhh," (my aren't the vowels wonderful in the throes of sex)  with the possible exception that I use the word "fuck" when something feels especially good.  It comes out more like "ffffuuuuccck," elongated, as my eyes roll to the back of eyelids. 

And in the drawer of the nightstand ...my girls best friends.  I probably only use a vib about 10% or so of the times I masturbate,(that varies like everything else) and I certainly understand the women that use them exclusively, as there was a time in my life when I not only used a vibrator everyday, but felt quite addicted to it enough to where I almost needed a 12 step program to break myself away from it in realizing that in "real sex" it was too difficult to achieve a natural orgasm.   As I have aged, and especially after childbirth, I have found that I much prefer the slower, let my imagination run form of fingering, palming and "rubbing one out."    But vibs give me the big one and the multiple ones reliably, and I like them for times when I am time crunched or,  most often used when I am engaged in lesbian phone sex with someone I have most likely just met in a chatroom. (said the phone sex slut LOL)    My oldest friend, the bug vibrator ..shaped like a little bug and sold as a back massager at Walmart about 8 years ago.  Yes Walmart for your sex toys !   The bug is quiet and I use it by laying down on it, on my stomach with a pillow underneath my belly which makes my boobs more comfortable into the mattress, and  use another pillow to lay my head on to, often biting it and moaning into it if I think I need to be quiet.   I have a tiny 4 inch purple "pocket rocket" type of vibe ...goes straight on the clit, put it there, clinch my thighs, high pitched buzz buzz, guaranteed orgasm and QUICK!  My imagination lacks during the use of this little monster ...and when I am using it, my thoughts are more likely to be the times, if ever, I think of multiple partners, strap ons, fisting, and the like ...the kinkiest stuff I have done or imagined ..but these thoughts come in flashes and without details and the mind is frankly focused on the buzz on my clit and the impending explosions.   I also have a plain old, just like the first one I ever bought at Spencers in my teens, white plastic, 2 C batteries, 6 inch variable speed doo-hickey, which is the only thing I want to enter me.   I have used it in conjunction with the other two, laying on the bug, reaching behind myself to us it to enter from behind, fucking in and out and the overwhelming sensation was a bit of an over stimulation and too much to keep track of, and I have used it with the purple one as well, with an inablity to concentrate on both as I neared orgasm, giving up on the dual vibe idea and just letting the pocket rocket "do me." 

Yes, I admit in masturbation, that vibs have their place, but I prefer to slowly build by reading or writing  erotica or watching a lesbian vid, and slowly getting to where it feels more intimate and sensual ...and how strong the mind must be to overcome the fact that I am alone, and that when I think of her, whomever "her" might be at the moment, that I must  totally immerse myself into that fantasy because the touch is mine, her tongue is far away, and the afterglow has elements of regret, self pity, loneliness and despair.

When I come, if I am nude, I want the blankets back over me quickly and snuggley.  If I have a nightgown on , or panties and a tshirt, my nipples, hard as a bullet when I come, cry for attention and massage.  The warmth of release through my entire body, especially down my legs, and the tingle turned to tickle at my clit retreating under its own cover.   For a moment, sleep seems irresistable, but give it a few minutes and I always feel refreshed and energized emerging from the glow.  If I look in the mirror, my chest will be have the characteristic red splotches for 10 or 15 minutes and the urge to pee will be along shortly.  The URGE to come ...oh gawd that URGE has been quelled until the next time I can be alone, and take care of it uninterrupted.  I almost start counting down the minutes til the next time.

5 comments:

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Holy crap! Do you ever masturbate while reading your own posts?

I do all of the time!

Lany said...

That was a much needed post!! Sooo honest and it makes me feel like u could be a close friend. We're sooo much alike in this area. Lol.

kim said...

wow. brutally honest. love it. please feel free to check me out (in more ways than one ...)

XXX, Kim

http://ice-age-heat-wave.blogspot.com/

kim said...

Oh holy Priestess!
Wow you are a good writer AND I never heard the term 'jill off' before. From now on I am using it. A lot!!!
XXX, Kim

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