Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.


A Lifetime of Found Lesbian Erotica and Masturbation

###Originally composed for lezgetreal.com , for whom I am honored to be associated with

Reflections of a Lifetime of Found Lesbian Erotica (Nice Girls Don't Say Porn)

I have wanted to write this for awhile. My usual forte is 1st person fantasy and story writing. But today, what I am writing about is porn. I am sorry, did I say porn ...EROTICA ! Ok...porn ...hey either way is fine. Specifically, it's about how much women are enjoying pornography and maybe a little bit about why that may be. (I hear it whispered even in the most conservative of a workplace) This post is also about what I might like in porn, and what I definitely do NOT like in porn, and those opinions come with the disclaimer that of course my opinions may not reflect the opinions of the producers of this website....and I think porn is like music, art, food or anything else that requires preference ..>EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES. But, one of my big reasons for writing about this subject is to see if there are others who think the same as I do. I am going to start with my personal history with porn for perspective, but what I really want to express are the things that both attract and repulse me.

Let's start with this. NICE LADIES DO NOT WATCH PORN...its been like that since the start of time when OG was drawing on his cave. He drew is mate with bigger boobs then she had, pulled on his club, and when cave woman saw it and went "thats disgusting, what do you call that?" Og said, "Porn," and cavewoman called it "erotica" and asked og if he had anymore stashed away in another cave. (I saw this on a History Channel documentary) I DO believe that there is a difference between PORN and (whisper softly and sexily) erotica. VAST difference. But also, truth is, women will say that they enjoy erotica, and what they mean is words and images that get them off ...or at least begin the process. I have to say that as I write this blog post which is all about porn, two things strike me as both equally true, yet are diametrically opposing statements.
1-I don't really watch much porn.
2-I think I watch too much.

So ..I can't be an expert on this subject ...this is just a personal accounting.

I started masturbating to orgasm at a very early age. Earlier, I understand, than most. I am sorry if that bothers anyone ..it just happened accidentally while making out with a pillow (I blogged this experience) . It wasn't like I said, "ok..today Im going to make myself come," cause I didn't really know what coming was til that moment. In fact, I had read the word orgasm and believed that an orgasm was when you got wet and throbby . Yeah ..I was wrong about that one. Imagine my surprise when IT happened ...numb all over ..what was that ?
..and once it happened, it was never going to stop. ( I see...you can relate?) So, it may seem I was seeking out materials of an adult nature at an early age, but no apologies for how this fascination developed. Nuff said.

My experience with porn/erotica begins at a very early age and was in various forms. At the age of 12 I was allowed to stay up late and watch things on the cable channels that my mom might not have approved of ...Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks comes to mind as exciting me, and I remember staying up to watch "The Hunger," specifically to watch the lesbian scene I had heard about. We had Cinemax for a short time while I was in High School, and when mom was certainly asleep (snoring) I would watch the soft core "classics" on that fine channel. Oh it was just absurd ...but I was probably a little obsessed at the time. LOL. I remember being sooo dissapointed some times when the movie would go the whole way and there wouldnt be a single lesbian scene. Like I had almost wasted time.

Also in the early teens I had a friend named Billy who had a knack for acquiring contraband. He shared with me and a few others (I was the only girl in the group) beer, pot, once even lended to me (I never returned them)five Penthouse magazines. Each one had a lesbian scenario ...but of the 5, only one really "did it" for me, ...it was about mannakins coming to life and making love. The reason that this one in particular "did it" for me, (by did it, I would conservatively estimate about 30 orgasmic sessions with this magazine specifically LOL) was that the women in THAT one, as opposed to the other magazine scenarios, seemed to be really "doing it," as opposed to posing for pictures. That sets the stage for alot of what I want to write about.

Also, the magazines had something called Penthouse Forum, which was 1st person stories from guys who boinked their secretary etc. Probably 2 or 3 from women. There were about three that included lesbian stuff, but none really believable ..and in fact, some of it was laughable. Through high school, every guy I befriended or dated knew all about Penthouse forum, and I think because I knew about it too and could make fun of it as they did, it helped me in the "cool" department. But the main reason I mention it here, is because I started typing out my own erotic scenarios in my early teens ...terrified that the floppy disc for my creations on my Apple II E might be discovered. The now destroyed discs contained the first expressions of what I continued today on my blog, but not being able to keep them in my possession at all times terrified me that they may be discovered. I was writing my lesbian fantasies in my teens. (Neither the discs, nor the magazines,nor the pot for that matter, all of which I hid inside the box of a "The Game Of Life" box in my closet were never discovered by Mom---whew)

Another place I found erotica and porn was when I used to babysit. In my apartment complex, I was on a babysitters list, which meant that I was called to quite a few apartments to sit, and after the little ones were in bed, I discovered that almost all of the grow ups I was sitting for had adult literature either in plain view, or easily found. I enjoyed "The Joy of Sex," for it's illustrations, and pulp fiction titles which I would skim until I found the "good parts." I would masturbate to orgasm ...but never once came close to getting caught by my "employers." Might have made for a good story though, and yes, I DID fantasize about the couples and moms that hired me. More than once though, I would have my orgasm seemingly minutes before they came home, so some close calls.

Finally, from my teens, Billy, in my senior year, had a VHS of only lesbians. Although I was sure I was at least bisexual throughout my teens, I had yet to have my first F2F experience. I did own a vibrator, (another thing mom never found). While I felt awkward asking to borrow the tape from Billy, knowing I might be teased , I didn't care. I stayed home from school and spent a complete day with the video, my first experience with an all lesbian hard core video. I blogged about that too and as it turns out, it is the most visited archive page on my blog, which i am sure has nothing to do with the fact the the title contains the words multiple orgasms, first lesbian video...well maybe a little bit. But that day in high school (or skipping school) was the most self indulgent of my entire life. I can remember that day like it was yesterday ...it seemed everytime I thought I had had my last orgasm, another one would surely build. It was an amazing day ..and a sore day after.

Is the COMPUTER now known as the BIG PORN MACHINE ? I thought these things were to make our life easier. Seems a little disproportionate.

Since those formidable years I have seen only a few DVD's of hard-core xxx , so I won't be able to comment much on that, but the thing that changes everything is the computer. When it was about dial up and AOL chatting on the computer, I sought out, and saved on floppy discs and on the hard drive, hundreds of images of women in passion. In the past few years of broadband, I have found a few free places to find video. I hunt and search and google for real lesbian images and stories and vids. Yes they are all over, but what is really worth it ? I believe I have gotten very very finicky as I have aged. Two girls just going at it does not do it for me and hasn't for a long time. Why should a woman demand so much from erotica ...and how ridiculous to expect it to be intimate. ITS PORN For goodness sake. The only thing it wants to be to me (or the producers and actors and writers want anyway) is for me to cream and come. Seems so simple right ?

And so, thats the full circle I guess of my history with erotica. ...perhaps yours is more, less, or about the same. I know I will get the email " WAYY TMI girl !!!" I am curious ...you can easily find stories of ones history of sex ...but ...history of ones personal masturbation and erotica ?? Now honestly, that's something I would be curious about ..but maybe that makes me such a big nerd.I soooo want to be the fly on the wall ...but thats another blog post. :)

So, now you can see that I have seen, while not everything, alot. But maybe, not enough LOL. But in lesbian erotica and porn, there are things that I definitely seek out, and don't find enough of. And there are, MOST DEFINITELY, things I encounter that I simply cannot stand. Let me start with those ..and let me know if you feel the same or not.

My Lesbian erotica / porn Pet Peeves.
1-Number ONE --Women who give passionate fellatio to dildoes, strap ons, and vibrators. Oh yeah, I think when I watch this, nothing turns me on when I am with my girl more than sucking on plastic or rubber. I know there are readers who are going to tell me of their strap on experiences and that they LIKE doing this for the visual it creates between two lovers, and the thrill of the "I want to be your dirty girl," aspect that belongs sometimes in a good sexual relationship, but I still just cannot get into it and it happens in LOTS of vids ...I can almost taste the rubber. BLECH.

2- Spiked high heels in bed. Yep. I definitely understand the sexiness of her shoes ...but in bed ??? Just not practical more than a time or two in a lifetime as a novelty ...yet, their is a HIGH percentage of images and video of women who cant shed the shoes. Shoes are just in the way.

3-Everyone knows there is a camera in the room ...so its mpossible of course to ever know that true one on one intimacy is occuring because the viewer knows there is a cameraman in the room...but sometimes ...in mid vid ...in passion with a partner, a woman will just vamp for the camera. Just spoils everything for me. How can you be at all concentrating on your partner when its the camera you are making love to. why. I know..its a performance ..but ..can there be just making love ? To each other ?

4-COMPLETELY totally, unrealistically huge fake boobs. On wayyyy too high a percentage. Sorry ...

5- I know everyone is different ...comes different ...creams different ..but things I am often watching, even when it LOOKS like they are getting into each other, there is often clear evidence that the women are not wet at all, or barely so. This is soooo different than the put a towel down experiences I know of that it jarrs the senses. It makes also for a nice surprise when there is a very unmistakenly wet woman performing.

6-More of a written word thing than a vid or image pet peeve, but calling women sluts or the C word. I don't like it ..I am SORRY. While I can see the eroticism of "dirty talk," in all of it's forms, I have to say this about the word "slut" or the other one (ech) . If I want to think of myself as a slut, call my own self a slut, or whore, or the c word in the act of making love, then there is, I think, erotic value in that and it might turn me on. I think I can call myself that all I want, IF I want. It might turn me on, and turn YOU on to know it does. However, you can almost NEVER CALL a woman a slut and have it be complimentary. It is soooo derogatory to describe a woman as a slut in either the title of a vid or the description in a story, and I question it's use within the context of a scene, although there are some exceptions. But, by and large, calling women "sluts," right from the get go will end my connection with the writer or producer of the vid or website instantly.

7-Kiss Kiss and straight to the toys. I don't know ...Hey, I realize I am writing a post for a world of lesbian readers who know alot more about lesbian sex than I certainly yet understand, but, I doubt anyone can have me believe that the elapsed time between first kiss and grabbing the vib is less than two minutes on a regular basis in most lesbian sexual relationships. Yeah, I know, perhaps there are time constraints in the shooting of the video ...but it comes across to me as passionless, and without intimacy.

8-Fake orgasms ...dont ask me how we know ..but we know. Do we ever know.

(would have been great for this to be a top TEN list, but I ran out of things ...maybe someone will help fill out the list to 10, or maybe more)

OK ..thats the things I peeve on. Things that I look for and don't see enough.

1-Reality --Period.

2-Dry (wet) Humping. Vids portray dildos and vibs as the instrument of pleasure 90% more than thigh, palm, and bump grinding. Making out and tribbing are so rarely portrayed and its a shame for my tastes. Even before I was with women, I did ALOT of dry humping with guys, and passion builds that way, as opposed to just turning on a switch.

3-Deep meaningful kissing

4-Meaningful embracing

5-How about a little freaking EYE CONTACt every once in a while.

6-Sincere, or sincere looking love, or even LIKE of each other.

7- Hell, I will say it....How about just once we hear "I love you." "I love you too."

So ...I will say that the things that get me off on the internet are hard to find. Free images, vids, erotic stories and first person lesbian erotica like what I write, and the possibility that the actresses just might have been into each other and the moment enough to make LOVe, not performance. Again ..IM CHeAP ..so I am talking free stuff...I know that abby winters stuff has alot of what I am saying I am looking for ..I have found some decent stuff on tube8, and of course, literotica for erotic stories ....once in a blue moon something nice will surface on youporn, but I have to tell you that the one place I surprisingly find a good deal of erotica is on one of the most family friendly sites ...YOUTUBE. I know you never see nudity, but thats not the point. Sometimes I find real, passionate, desirable, unrehearsed and spontaneous (looking) kissing, making out, and foreplay. It gets me flowing for whatever vib im about to reach for....if I'm not skipping the vib by reaching somewhere else.

I think what it comes down to is this. Something I have said to many a chatroom friend where I feel I can be so.

HONESTY is a powerful aphrodesiac!

Now, thanks for reading what I had to say here. I would love to know what you think, what you've found, what you agree or disagree with, and I would completely entertain anyone who just wants to shout at me, "GET A LIFE," because after all, in the big picture, just how important is the search for good , free, lesbian porn ...im sorry ..EROTICA ..on the internet.

Ladies watcha thinkin?


Briane P said...

I went in thinking that would be all hot, but it was thoughtful and well written.

Looking for my Lost Life said...

I COMPLETELY agree with your turn offs. You can add ridiculous long fingernails as number 9. I also agree with your turn ons. I'll tell you about a fantastic place to get some free, beautiful girl on girl photos. The website is www.deviantart.com. There are several photographers that I have on my 'Watch' list to check out when they post new photos. You'll need to look through their galleries because they photograph various types of subjects. Check out the galleries of: `PerryGallagher, =josemanchado, `Pelicanh, !promiscuriosity, =bellabrooke, ~blackflute, `Shy-Too-Shy, =wozzaLon, *x-muse. I promise you will not be dissapointed!

Diane said...

Just like Looking For, I completely agree with your turnoffs, additionally with all your turnons. This post and the links were great--thanks so much. I had my first orgasm at 9, after watching some aboriginal bondage/psych torture scene in an old movie--go figure! Was bisexual until after high school, and it's been only women in my erotic imagination since then, but mostly tender or realistic images that you described. Thanks too for the porn suggestions, I'll be burning up the keyboard this afternoon...

J said...


just stumbled into this blog...nice one.

I agree with your two top10 lists.. nicely written. Good to know I'm not on my own!!!

Lady Gardener said...

Hello. I just found your sites. I agree with your list, especially about fake orgasms and vamping for the camera. Another one that always reminds me I'm watching a movie (although I understand why they have to do it) is holding each other's hair back to allow the best camera shot while pretending they're just stroking lovingly.

Dave said...

Thank you. As a male I am very interested to see that your early experiences are just like mine. I also began masturbating very young and got off to all kinds of softcore porn - that was all there was in those days.

Anonymous said...

I am married to a Bi(?) lady for whom I would do/give anything. She has a lady lover and they are open about it around me. I appreciate that. I just want her to have what she needs. I always enjoyed giving oral, but was (amazingly) surprised when she told me that her lover satisfied her in ways that I couldn't. I immediately wanted her to have that relationship, without giving up on me. She prefers that I am not in the room when they make love, so I find sites like yours very interesting. I realize I will never be able to compete, but I do want to please her as much as I can when we are together. Thank you for your insight and to all the others who have helped me understand what she feels and wants. I may not be able to compete, but I can always try to be better.

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