Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.


The Moment Of Lesbian Inevitability Finally Realized.

The Moment Of Lesbian Inevitability Finally Realized.
My First Time Story

By Brenda
All Rights Reserved

On a snowy January day when school was out...SHE CALLED. It is important to know that Donna had NEVER called me. I was sleeping in..the phone rang..I debated should I pick it up or keep sleeping.

"Hi Brenda, this is Donna"... The shiver down my body. Did I wake you up?

Just a little

So I don't know if you can do it or not...but I have a favor to ask...I sprained the hell out of my ankle and I can hardly get around the apartment, much less up and down the stairs. I'm on crutches and its icy..and I'm worried about how much MORE damage I can do to myself if I fall face down three flights of stairs...
so..could you ..sometime today...could you come walk the dog? I mean..I'd pay you.

For goodness sakes we;re friends...you dont have to pay me!

Well..I know...ok..but ...I tell you what..I rented a couple of movies and if you dont have plans we could have a snow day together you know, just ...hanging out...watching a video...if you want...I'd love it.

Why this was significant...she's not saying that me and Cheryl or Julie, or Becky or JoJo ...she was inviting me...just me...and I knew right then that it was almost certainly a "thing" and not just a friendly visit...I knew right then this was a date...I knew right then I wanted her and I to really kiss...perhaps more..and I knew that moment that it was probably going to happen TODAY.

AND I was exhilarated.
AND I was scared. I knew what I wanted...but I also knew I didnt have a true idea WHAT was going to happen. Fear and anticipation ...such a mixture of emotions.

Hey...when you get here..don't knock..its open ok ?

We agreed it would take me 45 mins to an hour to get ready. I could have been there in 20 minutes really...but I was showering and dressing for a date.

So..it was come over and walk the dog....that was the pretense..but instinticively I knew that after all the buildup..., something was maybe going to happen. I didn't think neccesarily that that meant sex..but I was pretty sure that ..at least... some answers were about to come my way about what was ...well I hope what was going to be "us." I also knew that there was a chance that nothing at all about the night we held hands and snuggled might be said...or that she might want to talk to me to put the brakes on the crush on her I had revealed. I would come armed with my letter if it might come in handy. As it was though...I showered, perfumed and dressed as I would for a date. I would look my best..my sexiest... for the first time in my life I was shaving my legs, trimming my bush, putting on makeup and adjusting a bra and blouse to show my boobs for a girl. I chose my best "screw me" bra, the soft red front hook underwire with lacy embroidery,...the bra that Thomas, the 32 year old married man I had shamefully given myself to on two afternoons had called "the most seductive thing he had ever seen," and added over that an oversize red design squareneck that let my pushed up cleavage pour out of, along with my favoritedenim skirt. I didn't go all "Saturday Night" with the eyemakup and touch of lipgloss...but it sure wasn't a snowy monday morning look as well. At least I kept the low heel shoes fairly casual because of the ice ...I needed something easy to walk in. I was doing all of this for her. I looked in the mirror before walking over and gave myself a talk...."this is it Brenda." I thought of a million things I might say ..but as I left my apartment and began the short few hundred yards walk to her place, as I got closer, my mind was overloaded ..I was just in a fog and my blood was rushing and my heart was palpitating.

That the very fact that she called meant that she was at least considering something that this was a call to see if I was really interested .. but... there was no way to prove our feelings were mutual without going out on quite a limb...making a bona fide pass or saying something obvious. On that walk I sooooo wished she would be the one...but I told myself that I was not leaving without letting her know how I feel. But it was the way she said that morning about 8:30 on the phone call ,"lets just hang out and see what happens, " that i began to dare to dream that for the first time we would be alone ..and perhaps i would get the answer to a longstanding question I had with her...which was..wonder what it would be like if we could just be alone together. We had never truly been THIS alone before. And HOW LONG had I wanted THIS.

Even though she said to come in, I knocked, and entered at the "come IN," command. The dog greeted me, and there was Donna with her ankle wrapped and elevated on the couch ...crutches beside her and still in comfortable sweatpants and braless grey tshirt ...her hair in a ponytail and a cup of coffee at her side ...I was overdressed. Completely. And by the looks of her ankle and crutches...I felt like that hot and heavy makeout session I had mapped out was at this point going to be off the table. I had really let my hopes get too high, and needed a dose of reality. She wasnt on crutches, fending off pain when we held hands that night in the kitchen. SO...I let my wants be doused for a moment...but it was just a moment. She saw to that.

I took her dog on a pretty long walk. The cold wind was blowing on my face that morning and I was probably about as confused about a relationship as I have ever believed I could be. But as I walked her dog, a sweet knee high collie who wasnt taking any direction for me in where our path would lead, I replayed what had happened before I attached the chain and listened to her instructions about the hows and ways to take her pup around the apartment complex. My hand was on the doorknob and I was rezipping my coat when she emphasized to me "THANK YOU for doing this Brenda....you've always been such a good friend to me and....(fairly long pause) I have ALWAYS been more attracted to you then any guy or girl I have ever known. I think we have something special between us, don't you ?"

And I thought..."did she just say attracted??? did she mean that the way I thought she meant it?" And when I looked at her I knew she did. HOW does one act at this defining moment. Well...I am the most awkward person in the world. "You are soooo the coolest" I said...and she said " You are Brenda, and I have never seen you look as beautiful as you do right now....so hurry back!" I just did not know what to say ...I leaned in and we hugged a tight hug that ended with me totally holding her up to make sure she didn't lose balance on her bad ankle. "I'll hurry."

I had no idea about what was going to happen..But I sure did know that I had put myself in this very sexual situation ...with an attractive, fun to be with woman .. Think about Christmas ...no...Christmas Eve ..when you are 5 and you believe in Santa ..and you just know you've been good enough to get that bike ...and many other wonderful things he is sure to have left ...the ANTICIPATION ...My Gawd...the anticipation as I walked in the brisk air had me in a good shiver that had nothing to do with the 25 degree temperature.

It took me a long time to write about the sex of what happened that first time with a woman because ...it was about AL L L LL LLL LL LLLLLLLL LLLL these other things. I couldn't write about it from the "I wonder if I am bisexual" angle that I have seen in many first time stories...because I had been damn sure of my bisexuality since I understood what women did to each other. I couldn't write this "oh innocent me getting seduced by the older woman" story, because I had been trying to get myself into a sexual situation to let SOMETHING happen for a long time by the time it actually did. In fact...it is rather comical looking back, at all the drama in my mind for that length of time I knew her. The wants and the fantasies and the flirts and the overtures I felt were strong enough to be recognized if she wanted me too, but weak enough to back out of if she was offended by me sending sexual signals her way. I am so much older now ...when I look back, I think I am amazed by how many thoughts could go through my teenage mind at once, or in a day, or in a nightime wet fantasy.

Of that first sexual encounter with her I will say that I had probably made love to her, oh maybe a conservatively estimated one million times in my minds fantasy ...so as it unfolded...the surprise was that there were so many surprises. And, as someone who had experienced a great deal of sex with guys before that day, you can say all you want that there can't be comparisons ...but ...I let myself go there enough to realize that the biggest difference in making love with a woman was that there were soooooo many surprises. I have read other women always talk about how soft the kiss, the skin, the feeling of long silky hair or the texture of nails dragged across sensitive skin as all being so alarmingly DIFFERENT in a first time experience ..and yes, those were all present. But also ... how god forsaken wonderful it was to have her soft tongue deep inside my mouth and how incredibly stimulating it was to enter her mouth with my tongue the same and have her suck on it so softly. How differently she held me than I had ever been held and how RIGHT that felt in those moments with her arms around my neck and her gentle falling into me as opposed to the "getting on top of me" I had known before. How good her lips felt upon my neck ...her teeth gently scraping to my sensations delight. So many surprisingly "better than you ever dreamed" moments.

As I first felt her nipple stiffen to welcome my fingertips touch ...a moment I certainly had dreamed of nearly nightly since I was 12, the accompanying seething sensual intake of her breath, high pitched "ah" and the shudder of her body all in that split second of her pleasure resonated in my heart, raised goosebumps upon my body, and solifidied the deepest root of my sexuality, that I sooooo get off on getting my lover off, and thus, her nipple stiffening to my touch in combination with everything else wonderfully overloaded my every sense and froze me. But yet again...the surprise as that same nipple stiffened and puckered now to its maximum attention as it slipped across my lips and against my waiting tongue. The "even more?" exhiliration sent another lustful jolt through me ... ..and I remember the surprise of the "no duh" moment of my belaboring the question of how I would position myself to lick her thigh .....and oh how delectable that was ...even though it was by that moment torturous to be so close to where I wanted my lips, mouth and tongue to begin the devouring I had waited so very long for....but how time and time again in this encounter, time itself sometimes became the largest dilema of all ..time in HOW MUCH TIME to spend in these deep french kisses when I could feel her hips rocking and I knew how badly her pussy wanted attention. ...prolonging the moment when I would pay respects to where she would know my strongest desire while an imaginary time clock measured every act of giving pleasure. I gently sucked upon the right side of her neck and rolled my tongue into her shoulder blade while my fingertips gently raked down her back. And when my hands lifted her breast and then another ...feeling that soft weight, the supple give of the skin and tissue and the knowing that we both were trembling together in a moment ...not just a moment...a momentous day of mutual desire...and the loudest quiet ever known. TIME was ever ticking on the "how longs" of our act ...when gently sucking her nipples became an engulfing inhaling and squeezing which caused her hips to writhe beneath me...HOW MUCH TIME before I have to leave this wonderful feeling we both are sharing because there is more and more important work (work???? PLEASURE !) to be done elsewhere ?" Those questions of time have never been more prevelant in between the sheets as they were that day with her.

And in speaking of the most wonderful of surprises, perhaps the two most enormous shudders of pure pleasure I will ever know happened in her bed that afternoon. Two moments I would not ever trade for anything ...defining moments that I had no idea in the fantasies leading up to what we did, versus the reality of doing it, would affect me, not only in the exact moments of occurence, but also 12 years later as I write this when I can surely remember these moments as though they happened five minutes ago.

With me making nothing short of mad passionate love to her ample right breast, her grip upon the back of my head and pulling me into her loosened .....like, she just let go and I KNEW what she meant with no words needed to be spoken ...we were surely even reading each others mind so that when I say she let go , it was as if SHE did it AND I beckoned it at the same time ....and SO...the question of time I spoke of earlier was decided...it was TIME to feel her down there. Her fingertips dug into my shoulder and led her hand downward past my elbow and wrist until she had taken my hand, in the act of molding and remolding her breast while I sucked, and led me down ...down and down to where the softness of her pubic hair began. Placinng my hand there...a gentle squeeze for reassurance ...and I wonder if when she did, she realized that she was not only saying "I am ready" or "I need this," but realizing how much I so very much needed to touch her there too.

"Mmmmmmmm, I moaned and smiled vibrating against her nipple I was still sucking .....and my hand took the rest of the plunge towards her mound and lips. Oh that moment. I have no real idea what it is like for anyone else who has had sex ..cmon...people have had sex since there were people. But ..dicks were dicks, and they were always hard well before they were needed to be, and what I knew about vaginas was that my vagina behaved and felt as mine did, and gosh I knew by this age everything about it, up down and sideways. But HERS....yes like mine and yes different and not like mine ...something I knew from my many fantasies...but oh how I never dreamed how this would make me feel....stroking my fingers and then sinking them past her swollen lips and inside her...she was sopping, dripping, soaking wet. And oh my gawd...that feeling it gave me...of lust, of passion, and mostly I have to admit how my every nerve felt the immense satisfaction at that moment of the knowing that her twice as wet as I had ever felt myself pussy was in this extreme condition of arousal because of ME...because of US ..because of THIS MOMENT we were both in. And, yes, I was aware of how wet I was and knew without touching it was wetter than I too had ever been and what at some point she would know about from touching me....but for this moment...again, a moment I would not trade for any other in my life, feeling her with my fingertips so wet...sliding in her...feeling her walls and it was not just warm but in fact quite hot to the touch at that moment....the most awesome sexual moment of my life to that point and would be forever if it weren't for what happened soon after.

So ..how did this start ? Yeah...the phone call...the "I have ALWAYS been more attracted to you" statement before I walked the dog ..the long months of friendship and fantasy and ...as I said ...this is about allll those things. But how did we get to the bed, is a part of this story I must tell?

Well, when I got back from walking the dog, she had almost finished toasting some bagels for breakfast, had poured out two very large glasses of Sunny D, had changed the stereo from the morning blab radio which was on when I arrived, to some artsy fartsy guitar instrumental music, which I loved ..and set a certain quiet but flowing atmosphere. We made this and that small talk about bagels, calories, and the dog. I sat on the couch away from where she was set up with her blanket and pillow and we talked and ate and gazed into one anothers eyes until the gaze needed to be broken. I had the knowing that something was probably going to happen, or at least I was going to get some answers about much ...and soon we were feeding the dog scraps and laughing at his leaps for this or that morsel ...and in the first semi-uncomfortable silence she spoke softly, "girl..we gotta talk ya know?" And I thought, here it comes, just let me down easy.

"ummmmm ..I am just going to come right out and say it...and nothing we say gets repeated anywhere..just between us ok ?" (ok I nodded) " You umm...are ....are you a lesbian ...or bisexual?" she asked

"is it that obvious I am at least one of those," I laughed. After a few moments I added, "lets put it this way ...I am sure I have always known that I have wanted more ...you know..MORE ...but its not just about the sex ..and ummmm...I don't know how to say this ..but ..I never had feelings for a particular girl ...i mean...not til now...not til lately....like you know, such a strong crush where I am writing notes and tearing them up and wanting to say more than I think I can say."

"You can say anything to me Brenda."

"Well what if I am having some pretty strong feelings for you....I've been afraid to tell you in case you tell my friends, or even my mom ...but I have a stronger feeling you might feel the same way."

"girl..you know I do"

"no I don't know"

"I do"

"oh" was all I could say ...and was that to be it ? Feeling the fear inside me turn to warmth ...I looked at her "what are we talking about ?"

"I think we talking about becoming lovers...but I never did that ..and I dont really know if I know what to do," she said quizically with a nervous giggle.

In my strongest burst of confidence I said "I never did it either ...but I am pretty damn sure I know what to do ....and I'm pretty sure you might like what I have in mind ?"

I reached over and touched her leg and began stroking her calf above her uninjured ankle more as a nervous but affectionate show of togetherness ....and we sat in silence for about a minute like this..me looking down at her leg ..feeling all those nerves bundle up, bundle out, relax and then bundle back up again as every single emotion I ever felt zig zagged through my mind and we were both lost for words. In that minute, in fantasy, I made love to her and her to me in every conceivable way ...so many thoughts and feelings rushing through. And when I could speak, I uttered almost apologetically, "just so you know," I broke the silence...."this is about alot more than just sex for me...whatever happens ok?"

"Me too" she earnestly replied. .....and added "ummm ..would you c'mere and help me up if you can ok ?"

I arose to walk towards her and debated mentally a million ways we might have a first kiss which I wanted so desperately at that moment. This would be the first opportuntiy..I could just lean down for this kiss I felt I couldnt wait another minute for. ...but more important was that happiness ...whatever...it was GOING to happen. And you can laugh if you will, but I felt more like a virgin that morning than I ever did before I did anything with a guy. And to me, it felt so deeply real and more natural then anything I had ever felt was coming. In a businesslike fashion I helped her up and off the couch and she motioned for her crutches and said "hey...I gotta go take a shower ...can you sit here and watch tv or ...wait a sec...let me get something...stay here." She crutched her way back towards her bedroom and my mind raced wondering what was going on. She came back with book...a rather thick book that turned out to be an erotic anthology of short sexy stories. She had her finger in it marking a story and handed to me saying," read this one by ____________," (for the life of me I wish I knew this story because I would like to own it today)..."It is so erotic ...I've read it a dozen times ...worn out a few sets of batteries," she laughed. And that was a good ice breaker. "ohhhh ..Im gonna miss you," I said knowing she was going away from me at a critical moment....but I also knew a woman wants to feel clean if she is going to do anything ya know...she didn't have to do that for me, but I would do no good to say that, and I knew it. "Now read that ..and don't start anything without me." "I wouldn't," I said, but the best feeling was again, knowing that today, there would be something started for certain we both knew by now. Neither knew how, we both knew it would....finally fear and worry and doubt and pent up and quelled desire had become INEVITABILITY.

I read the sincere, passionate, sexually explicit story which got me wet and yes, I touched myself a time or two while waiting for what seemed like forever ....I finished the story and waited, and thought and waited, and fantasized, and waited, and finally got up..went back in towards the back of her apartment where she was still in the bathroom and finishing her eye makeup with a towel around her and her damp hair tied up. I tingled from head to toe and looked in towards the bedroom, saw the unmade bed and knew I would be there with her shortly. I came up behind her and our eyes met in the reflection of the mirror. "I missed you," I said.

"What did you think of the short story?"

"Well those women ...knew what they were doing but...umm...maybe we can do better ? ya think ?"

And it was comfortable to put my arms around her and my body engulfed her damp and nude except for the towell loveliness. "I can't wait any longer to kiss you Donna," I said as I moved in close to her and our lips met for the first time ...softly ..gently...timidly for certain in the bathroom....a kiss that had more tenderness than every kiss I ever had or dreamed of wrapped into it, but virtually none of the pure lust and passioniate kisses we would soon share. Still...so nice was the moment I wanted it to never end ...slipping our tongues together and into each others warmth that first time ...from "what to do" to knowing what comes so naturally. Our kiss broke and our hug began and her caress upon my shoulders felt divine. I looked in her eyes and said "hurry up in here..I'm going to wait for you in there."

"I thought we were gonna watch a movie," she said.

"Whatever you want to do, but, " I paused, "that was the best kiss I ever had in my life! ....If you want to watch a movie...I want to pretend we are in the back row and not really watching the movie." I laughed. She laughed. "Im gonna wait for you in here." I said and had developed the plan already.

Yes....ME...instigating our first lesbian tongue tangle ...miraculous scary nervousness as I moved in BUT...at least I KNEW she would respond ...and NOW ..virtually commanding her to the bed...wait ? Wasnt I the just turned 18 high school senior ? Wasn't she the older, wiser, role model, big sister type grad student ? I had to laugh to myself about how it had come about that it was ME that seemed in control .....but soon I realized control and sexual power is always best when shared ....THAT was a rare and hardley ever occurence in my experience with men....power sharing between us was to come as natural and comfortable as our friendship had always been.

As she finished what she was doing in the bathroom.....I rather quickly and boldy stripped to my bra and panties and got into the bed...and pulled the covers up. "Are you in my bed girl ?" came the objection from the bathroom ?

"Yes I am in your bed..and I'm waiting for you!...hurry up!"

"are you comfortable?"


"are you in your birthday suit>?"

"you'll know when you get in here with me" I boldy flirted.

After a few minutes she came into the bedroom , now in a light green and flowered robe and complained " I was going to put on something very sexy for you....ya know...since you dressed up for me."

"not dressed up anymore," I giggled from the bed while mentally undressing her and anticipating her every touch and tingle.

I WAS WANTING THIS SOOOO MUCH BUT GAWD I WAS SOOOOOOOO NERVOUS....dont know why...but even THAT felt like the natural normal thing given the circumstances.

How MANY times this day had I said to myself "this is it !" well...I was saying again ...but feeling it stronger than ever. I knew when I made the choice to go to the bedroom and get in the bed that there would be no turning back for me....and I was commiting her as well to at least something.

She strode over and sat on the bed next to me facing away and said "we gotta talk." I was ready for whatever and wherever this was going. My daring move was stripping and getting into bed, and when I did that, I knew she probably wasn't going to dive in a make love with me...she wasnt that kind of person I sensed.

"Just exactly how long has this been going on Brenda?" she asked

"What...me being bisexual...or me wanting to be bisexual with YOU?"

"well ..both ..but..." I knew she was asking in a round about way if I had wanted to do this since she was my student teacher way back when. That began a talk with both of us...which, in the course of the next 30 minutes or so, we confesesed our lifelong lesbian fantasies, told about the movie scenes we'd seeen and the books we had read with lesbian characters. It was nice because, surely our encounter was inevitable, but less urgent / rushed and...I think the calming cool down of a sincere talk about what we were feeling and about to feel was soothing and very natural for both of us.

I told her I KINDA thought about her sexually in class, but had really become different in the way I felt as I grew older and knew my feelings were different when we began hanging out together with the group of us as girlfriends. I told her I knew I was bisexual from the age of 12, and she said it was more recent for her ...but didn't start realizing I had affections for her until after she had had a crush on a girl in college that had turned her affections aside, and then she said she noticed some of the same puppy dog eyes upon her from me that she was giving to the woman she wanted to be with. We admitted very BIG things to each other, for instance, we confided to each other that we had masturbated while thinking of the other.

"How would you feel if I told you that when I'm friggin my riggin I never think about guys...and um...like for six months...I have only been imagining you ALOT...maybe not every time but ..alot more than anyone ?"

"I can't believe it..me too.....see...we've already done it with each other we just didn't know it!" and we laughed

We talked about the awkwardness of buying a vibrator at Spencers and the "do you need batteries with that?" moment at the counter.

We trashed men's sexual proficiency.

...and if the thought came through my mind "are you a lesbian ?" The answer was easily "who cares."

We admitted we knew there was a turning point and how it was just a matter of time and how to from that point on.

And, truly capable of a thousand thoughts between each sentence of conversation, my mind raced..."kiss me kiss me kiss me, should I kiss her, how should I kiss her, kiss me, make love to me, kiss me, kiss me now etc...WHEN ARE WE GOING TO DO IT" my mind was commanding.

As we talked she had shifted to face me and I had shifted onto my side ...she touched my shoulder once and let a finger slide under the strap ...She knew she had the liberty to do much more whenever she felt it right. She admitted she asked me over with ulterior motive on this day, and I laughed and said "I believe with me in your bed and waiting for you to kiss me, that has become abundantely clear." For a moment the silence, and then, "I am so glad you are here," .... her hand lifting my bangs and then caressing my cheek. "You are so beautiful and I have waited for this for so long." My chest turns rather pink when I am horny, and I am sure my face and everything else blushed a crimson red that moment..but it felt soooo good to be told that. She let the robe slip down...her back now nude and she turned towards me and I glimpsed her lovely breasts. She stood up long enough for the robe to fall to the floor and got in to face me. Her hand upon my cheek, my hands wandering towards her shoulders ..we embraced at the moment our lips met ..and this kiss was instantly different, more sexual, and was going to last much much longer than our first brief makeout session in the bathroom nearly an hour ago.

Oh...and about that kiss...you know how I always talk about the million thoughts through my mind ??? My mind went completely void of any thought of anything but mouth, tongue, warm, wonderful and bliss.

Side to side we made out...I worried aloud about her ankle and she assured me it was ok.

The stark realiziation of the moment. This was sex with a woman. This was finally happening. I guided her hands from my hips and back towards my breasts and she undid the front clasps to free me. I cant tell you how many times we exchanged different ways of telling each other..whispering softly mostly ...how beautiful we felt each other was. More fervent our kisses and caresses. More gradually we felt each other in exchange of the power between us, where we fell easily into where I felt I needed this to go with me making love to her body, she more or less submitted to my need to give her pleasure, and our sexual path was slowly carved out by each different touch, caress, and soft tickle between us. Her body felt SO good and when our breasts were together, my feelings were so much deeper and stronger than the sexual urges continuing to grow.

And so, as I mentioned earlier, the large and small surprises continued as down her body I traversed with my lips, tongue, hands, fingers, and passion. Feeling her that wet and feeling her respond to my finger was immensely erotic. But, knowing I wanted to go down on her made me purposely hold back a bit for I knew, and she later comfirmed, she was about to explode with orgasm from the first touch of my fingers dancing upon her clit and inside her saturated vagina.

And that was the second moment for which I would never trade anything that could be given. That moment before I kissed her there...the knowing she wanted me there, the first time of it and the ultimate expectations of unfamiliar yet so desired act of total love I had for her at that moment. So good was the first warm, wet touch of my tongue to her, my thumb and forefinger instinctively spreading her lips and flicking her clit softly ..then more forecefully. In my first time naivety I said something producing our most awkward moment...but It seemed the right thing to say at the time. As I began to lick, suck and then to finger as well, her responses in her squeezing, her breathing, her moans and other noises excited me and gave me confidence, HOWEVER, I still realized I HAD NEVER DONE THIS and so I stopped licking when she stopped responding for what may have been TWO SECONDS and said "Don't worry babe...I am not going to stop until you come." This of course, coming from the knowledge of when I had been brought to almost the brink by quite a few clumsy dates. Well, when I said that, she almost screamed, "Oh gawd no, you are doing FINE," and in the desperation of her voice knew that she was about to come. I found a way to lick her quickly that she obviously liked, and up and down over her clit with just the right pressure, held her buttocks and rode with her while her convulsions began combined with her shrieks and exclamations of joy for both of us to relish in.

And I stayed with her down there as she came again and again and again and again. I never wanted to stop and when she would come she would say "please" which was a soft plea to stop, or "i need you up here now" but that also would not get me to stop. I just slowed down long enough for her to catch her breath and then found yet another way to rise her up again towards a pulsating for both of us release.

I knew that first time that I could feel a womans orgasm through my mouth as my very own. Nothing will ever compare.

"Know what ?" she whispered to me as I lay on my back with her nestled in my right arm snuggled against me, head upon my shoulder with her soft hair and the dreamy slow motion softness of our bodies together as our breathing returned to normal and our brains allowed us to think again.


"I .....can't......wait...." she began while her fingertip traced up my sides and underneath my breast......"to lick you......." her finger encircled my breast and nipple and then began to descend towards where I throbbed, ached, and patiently needed her attention, ...and as she brushed across my mound, plunging into my wetness and as my legs spread to further invite her, "....to lick you....." her fingers inside me now and her body shifting upward to look me in the eyes, where she no doubt saw the immense flood of pleasure she was giving me down there and quickly, flashed in the hunger of my eyes, " to lick you...right ...there...>" my clit now attended to unlike anything I'd ever felt with her thumb and index finger as her lips went down to my right nipple....the wonderful strain of both my covered by her warm lips nipple and the unattended one as well powerfully announcing to me as an inner, maddening, leap to attention FOR attention, and to her, in between her lips ...the erotic bodywide quiver eminating from my nipples, my breasts, with nerve ending directly connected to the walls of my vagina and my clit being manipulated by her fingers that KNEW me from the first moment of touch. Her tongue and lips and mouth KNEW me against my nipple. I shuddered, and quivered, and arched, and trembled in letting myself...allowing myself this pleasure. She was fingering me into my panties ..the only article of clothing left between the both of us in the creamy soft sheets of her bed....she raised up and as she disengaged her fingers from me down there, my pussy wanted to follow her hand as if to say "where ya goin ?" but she lifted me up and I responded and we helped the panties down my thighs and over my legs and she dropped them on the floor.

My eyes half squinting in the curtained morning daylight of her room. I opened them for a clue as to what might be coming next and ...with both hands she began to massage and knead and my boobs. Her gaze upon them..then a glance towards my eyes responding with how good she was making me fell all over with her touch...admiring me there...yes...such pride in my boobs, but I know I shouldnt have that vanity. Her breasts and nipples had turned me on soooo much a few minutes before, and I was enjoying belieiving she enjoyed the touch of mine as much. However, unlike with any sexual partner before (that would be 100% boys and men in case thats been forgotten), my breasts were knowingly out there in a different way than ever before. Her eyes were looking directly into my mind, and I felt that look of admiration, or adoration, or whatever positive...I don't like those bradadocious adjectives, but it was clear to me that my toplessness and these touches between us ..with her fingers and eyes upon me while my own fingertips lightly brushed the soft underside of her forearm, was a wonderful sharing of the emotion and tenderness of all that was blossoming between us that morning.

I am a moaner ok ? She massages me and I moan, she shifts to provide two hands on that breast instead of the one on each and I moan louder...I dont want to sound silly..but the sounds are just coming out of me.
Half the excitment comes from the things she is doing to me and half comes from the anticipation..and ..it must be the neverending scientist in me, but the inevitable comparisons ...not only to the guys I have had sex with, thats the obvious, but also, the comparison to the ways I have just made love to her, and the comparisons to what I have fantasized about and what is playing in reality.
There are moments ...my gawd how good it feels whenever she does something that brings her breasts into ANY contact whatsoever with my skin. Her nipples stiff against my sensitive sides or my belly ...breast to breast is every bit as amazing as I always read about and dreamed of. The entirety of her soft skin against me is of course such a wonderful, delightful, brand new sensation as expected...but when that skin contact is her breasts...I feel as though I should purr or something for how good it feels to know her this way. I moan softly when it feels good ..I gasp or moan more emphatically when her lips engulf my nipples or her fingers find a new way to delight, or return to something that minutes before brought out my demonstrative ways. I am truly delirious ...a sensation that is not unlike being drunk....being so willingly led in her giving to me. I am able to punch through the submission to grope a breast or reach for her mound in whatever moment of position that that allows, but she is no doubt holding the baton of power for these moments and I have given over to her completely.

I also need to express this sensation that was never so intense with a man as it was with her and in my lesbian encounters ever since. It is that I KNOW deep inside as she makes me quiver and tingle and convulse and come..I KNOW how much I am into this..and into her....it is sooooo deep and sooo much. But ...I am ever so analytic and aware of every sign she gives me or might about how she is feeling about me. It builds and builds and is crystal clear as we continue that she is TOTALLY into giving me pleasure with her fingers, mouth, lips and tongue ...she is soooooo in this bubble with me and alert and aware of the oneness of us in this moment....yes it does feel like falling in love ....and together we are placing brick upon brick in the foundation of our growing and deepening togetherness. Until I felt it with her, I had no idea how one of the most powerful things ...100 times more powerful than the orgasmic release of sexual sensations that change, multiply and surprise second to second in our kisses, licks and touches, it is what her EYES tell me, her responses tell me, her obvious mutual desire that fuels my emotions and deepens my sensations as we go along. Its like, when her teeth dug into my nipple and my nails dug into her back, muscles contracting, audible moan and a answer to her unasked question, "YES IT FEELS GOOD WHEN YOU SUCK ME LIKE THAT," and so she rolls her tongue, nibbles me, holds me tighter against her and makes sure every possible millimeter of our skin meshes together in this moment...it is her response when weighed against mine that trumps the sexual delights. Her being totally into this with me is the truest pleasure of them all.

I can remember as it was a moment ago when she rolled down to eat me the first time. She had a beautiful silver and turquoise necklace that accompanied her tongue in softly tracing down and down towards where I craved her. I am literally almost coming from just the anticipation. I lose myself and I remember repeating "its so good its so good its so good" before her tongue ever touched me there.

She has a certain touch on my thigh ....combination of massage and erotic tenderness. It sends me. She spreads my lips and when her tongue enters me...she fucks me in and out ...I try to stay still but my hips are shaking instantly and involuntarily. Just as I had done to her before, her finger replaces her tongue and then she adds another almost simultanously as she begins to softly lick my stiff clit. She sucks on it, twirls her tongue and tightens a grib around my buttocks, pulling me foward where I was already pushiing, hands against the back of her hair and then lowering to massage a shoulder. I come so fast after she starts....I remember thinking right before my first orgasm exploded that I wondered if it really WAS her first time doing this. It was so so so technically superior ...and the powerful combination of shudders, quivers, trembles, tingles, thrusts, moans and most deeply, EMOTIONS, spilled out of my pussy, out of my vocal chords, and out of my soul each time she got me there with her warm wet mouth and tongue, sucking me, licking me, spreading me and massaging me, finger touching me, finger fucking me, controlling me, loving me.

At some point in the 30 or so minutes that felt like hours ...I become orgasmed out and in synch with me she is exhausted. I want to rest, pee, and get my mouth on her pussy again. In fact, as she was delivering such pleasure to me, an equal thought to "gawd how good this is," was, "I cant wait til this is over so I can get her off some more." I was instantly and forever addicted to the way it felt to go down on a woman....and I wanted more ...I wanted everything that day ..and I wanted everything forever....for love at any age, and especially at 18 is confusing. I was certainly in love that afternoon...in fact...that month that we were "together."

We both peed, made small talk and observed on the clock that we still had time before I would have to go home ....by my way of thinking that was to be an afternoon of sex sex and some more sex. If she had other ideas...and she did, when she came back into the bedroom and starting looking through her drawers for clothes for the day, I about tackled her. NO....don't take that pussy away from me now. It was clear that I felt I had years of the wanting this so badly to be let out. She talked about my "stamina" as I licked her and sucked her ...feeling I could not get enough of her flower and the responses to the pleasure I created for her. I opened her with a third finger .."okay ?" "oh yes," she replied.

We laid together ..she on her back, me against her side and breast..."do you want me to do something ?" I knew she was asking if I was requesting reciprocation ... "no I just want to lay like this forever if that might be possible."

She said things to me in bed that afternoon I can't ever forget..in ways that made me feel like I will never feel again. Stroking my shoulder and describing how my eyes sparkled to her, and telling me she "adored," me ...like...every time she "adored" something about me...."I adore your nipples," or, "I adore the way you touch my thighs," I would tingle. Adore just wasnt a word I ever used or heard much, and every time she said it, and said it about ME, my ADORATION for her grew.

ANd oh...her vibrator was in view the whole day ...I kept waiting, wondering IF or WHEN it would come into play ...and though the answer was, "not today,"
its presence in the room was like a third, if that can be understood....like it was crying out to be used...but Donna and I controlled that, and neither one of us cared for anything but each other that day.

We cared not for food ..."we have to do something about lunch," and I was oh so the master of the obvious, "I only want to eat you," and down again I went ..."dont start this again...ok ...dont...you cant...." but my fingers spreading her lips and my tongue once again upon her soaked lips and mound, and once again her legs would spread and her sigh of resignation would be my invitation to continue with what I felt I was quickly becoming if not the expert at what I was doing with my lips, my mouth, fingers, palms and tongue, I was at least proving I was a proficient learner, and she told me as much many times. Over the next days and weeks, my mind would wander to the things I wanted with her...everything imaginable sexually ...but this morning that was becoming a later and later afternoon, my mind seemingly looped the desire to lick and suck and finger her endlessly.

As I became adept at eating her, I also became adept at realizing when she was ready for a small break because, with my hips towards her shoulders, never having the real guts to sit upon her and make this a true sixty nine position, something we didnt do til our last time together, but as her libido slowed down, her talent with her fingers upon me and inside me drove me closer and closer to coming. I couldnt get there...or she couldn't get me there...and if I got close and then would't go over ...I would lick her all the more furiously. However...it was getting late...and I wanted to come so bad just one more time. I was aching to let go, and although I wanted her to make love to me with the passion she did before, it was out of the question in the state of sexual exhaustion we were in. I rolled my body up upon hers and kissed her deeply ...madly and passionately ...she tasting herself upon my lips and responding with a look in her eyes undescribable , but said without words that it was more than acceptable and fully desirable in the moment of "us."

Upon her thigh I began to hump her and it was so good ...my pussy and the way it felt ..but what drove me to the earth shattering orgasm rubbing against her that way, was not just the feelings against my clit...but the way she pushed her thigh into me....the the absolute surprised desperation I saw in her eyes, and as my moans and noises intensified, so did her vocal responses, and so did her tight grip around me ...holding me tight, kissing me, squeezing me, groping my breast or pulling me into her by my buttocks as I screwed my pussy against her thigh, the deepest tongue kisses and the nails digging into my back, while my fingerse dug into the mattress... and when I came this way, the exclamation point upon our first experience gave us the finale we could both live with, for if we hadnt found something like that, I wonder how long and what more we would have done to continue this experience neither of us wanted to let go of.

An out of body experience in her apartment and in her bed.....to the deep kiss at the door and tears welling up. A million "i don't know what to say" moments and expressions of gratitude, pleasant surprise, better than I thoughts, and "I have been waiting so long for this to happen for us."

I walked home and in cliche fashion I must tell you the best way to describe it is that my feet did not touch the ground. Numb...affected...and yes, in love strongly, I went home and holed up in my room, no conversation with any friends, saying as little as I could get away with when mom came home cause I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, feelings, and rememberances of the day, and fantasies of the days to come with Donna.


lauren said...

ok..... you are an amazing writer and I crave more!.....


this brings on so many feelings of lesbian nostalgia, it's truly amazing that someone has the talent to put such an earth shattering feeling into words. I will def be checking it to have a good read very often. Thanks for putting it out there!

Anonymous said...

"..she tasting herself upon my lips and responding with a look in her eyes undescribable , but said without words that it was more than acceptable and fully desirable in the moment of "us.""

All of your writing is beautiful but this will leav a mark on me forever. I am a guy and not at all in to the porn images of plastic women going straight to oral sex. Sex is so much about the anticipation which you dwell on so well. I loved it. The excitement, the knowing, wondering, etc, before anything even happened. That is what I 've been wanting to read and learn more about but it's never covered. It's only the act with no feeling. you describe the feeling and love so well. Man, i wish i could have that but as a guy, I can't but I'm envious.

the quote of yours I have above is exactly why i wan tot kiss my wife after oral sex (which she doesn't like--too "messy") but she hates the idea of her juices anywhere near hers. She says it would make her sick. Weird as when we were in college a very very long time ago I could probe her with my finger and "Share" her with each other while kissing. She seemed to love it but then was born again and that was that. No more oral sex for 15 years until recently. I would love to celebrate her with "us" as you put it, but that will not happen. She says no one kisses after going down there--instead they always stop and brush their teeth and rinse out--kind of spoils the moment though, don't you think? Any advice on how to proceed?

anyway, i feel like you have given am a glimpse of what it would be like to experience sex with another woman as one also. Incredible. Moving. Beautiful and touching. I am in awe.I read ever word. Thank you.


Lany said...

im crying. just letting you know. it's all because of this beauty.

Anonymous said...

I read the article with bated breath, it's as if it captivated me in every way possible, the way you both felt and how it had more to do with feelings than just pure, utter sex. I'm overly happy, probably because I would love to experince a sexual gratification with a woman that is near to what you had. Keep writing from your soul cause that's what you do, and you do it well.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the most beautiful, hottest recollection I have ever read. I am straight, but the sheer dizziness from desire that I experienced reading this has me thinking I have to make love to a woman some point soon...it's time...thank you, Brenda!

Lauren said...

Amazing, this brought back such tender, incredible memories for me and a surge of the exhilaration and pride of being a queer woman. Also it was a huge turn on (smirk). Has this been published? If not, it should be.

akiss2desire said...


Thank you *(and everyone who has commented here) for your wonderful comment on my writing. I am growing as a writer and doing just that on this blog for all to see. I really dont see too much first person lesbian erotica written. The payment I receive for what I do is a letter from someone like you. SO THANK you a million times thank you.

That particular story took me a very long time to write and rewrite. (and I am sure needs to be rewritten again) I remember sharing with a reader I was corresponding with at the time that I kept writing and writing and seemed to not be able to get to the sex part. I was worried that by the time I wrote about making love that it wouldnt add up with the rest of the story. Having said that, I have gotten more comments on this writing than just about any others. But your comment was so personal, I had to respond.

As for being published ...I have submitted a couple of things but the field of lesbian erotica in anthologies is pretty competitive. I may self publish in a format for those portable book thingys ..the Kindle I think it's called. Think anyone will go for it ?



Anonymous said...

Wow...to experience pure and true love and the ecstasy of desire it brings...this actually made me think of innocence lost, but in a very good, wistful, and yearning way...because just as we have lost it, we yearn for that time when we can find it again, to lose it again...

I've never been with a woman, and though, I've entertained thoughts, I just don't think reality could ever live up to the fantasy...probably because I am not in love with a woman.

Your writing is so beautiful, it really touched my soul and has left me sad and wistful, because I feel that it is rare to actually experience true and pure love these days...

I always felt that in a different time and place, my bf and I would have had that perfect, and pure innocent love of the first time, exploring, untainted, with pure abandon and happiness.

Your story made me remember my pure longings for love as a naive girl, rather than the uncertainty of the jaded woman I have become.

I didn't expect to feel so sad after reading your story, so that goes to show you, that your story has touched my soul. I read it out of curiosity and was aroused initially, but after awhile, my arousal decreased and went away and was replaced by the reawakening of the love I feel for my bf. This was in fact about love and longing. I think women are beautiful, and I appreciate them and are turned on by them, but I believe that is just lust on my part. The love you felt for Donna is the love that I have for my bf. I can relate to it because it is so eager, so happy, so elated, and so ready to please.

Many times I wish that he and I can go back in time to that place before we lost our innocence, and find each other to lose our innocence to the other, but he lost his innocence to a woman who ended up hurting him. I lost mine to my first bf but not my true love.

I have been hurt too before him, but when I met him, I started to allow myself to find that place deep within me, to be that girl again, discovering love for the first time, an endless summer of loving...but lately because of circumstances not in our control (him getting deployed for a year in the military), I feel that even though I still love him a lot, that girl has been silenced, and in her place a weary, but still hopeful woman has emerged...

Your story made me realize that this girl was still inside me, and that she just needed to be reawakened, and that she needed to find faith again. I needed to find faith in all of my questionings.

Thank you...I especially loved the end where you said you didn't talk to anyone after you got home because you just wanted to keep dreaming about her. I often do that too. I dream of my bf, but in my mind, finding and sharing love at a time when he and I were still innocent and pure...

Your soul is beautiful! Keep writing!

London said...

best ever.

Tricia Louise said...

You continue to amaze me with your writing. Your chose of words and phases combined with your telling ways. You bring out some many memories in me, that once had been forgotten. Continue to share with us the beauty that every woman dreams of and possibly is unable to fulfill.

Anonymous said...

That was amazing! I have never been so wet reading something before, or even that wet from masturbating! The details were HOT! Thanks for posting!

Anonymous said...

Amazing! Beautiful blissful story, it made me recall my first wit my girlfrnd. I wish I cud turn back time n relive those moments...keep up the good work!

sandra carterfield said...


i have an indian woman as alover for past few months, and she s the best i ever had, makes me wet even thinking about the time we spend together. we bagan in somewhat a similar situation,

Jacklyn Wallace said...

Brenda, your work is amazing! This is just so beautiful <3 I envy your stories, I crave them. Mmmm you have me crazy girl.

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