Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.

Saturday

The Lesbian Start Of My Life...When I KNEW.


I have thought alot recently about the time that I KNEW I was at least
bisexual ...and for me that was a very early age, even though I didn't
act upon it physically until I was 19. I bring this up because in
"chats" with several women on yahoo, and when I was a member, on AOL,
quite a few women seem to be latecomers to this aspect of their
sexuality. As if they had gone their whole lives until one day at the
age of 25,35 or later, "poof...im into women I think."

When I was 12, it seems there was a perfect storm of TV shows that
showed women together...one in particular with a girl not much older
than I was at the time coming to terms with her desires, as well as
scenes in movies, and chapters in the books I was reading...it seems
that "IT" kept coming up ...and "IT" kept calling my name as it were.
The surefire final straw of when I KNEW came when I was reading some
book that my mom gave me to understand the birds and bees ..and it had
a chapter on what lesbians did with each other. I seem to remember
the slant of the writer was that this was rare and perhaps wrong
altogether behavior....but as I read the this and that of what women
did with each other in bed, I was sure that not only was there nothing
wrong with it, (as my family and friends and society seemed to be
beating into me) but that for me it was only a matter of time until I
was doing it. It was a matter of more time and maturity before I
factored in emotions and deep affections (love?) of the sexual acts.
When I look back, there were many many other signs...perhaps not as clear then as they are now...perhaps something to talk about here on this blog in the future.

I am curious about the time when it became crystal clear for
women ...I have seen, like on Oprah etc, women who knew from the
playground years ..and as I said, women who didnt know til a woman
planted a surprising kiss in later years. If you are reading this and want to share with others who wll stop by, share when YOU KNEW you were
into women?

In the time to come on here...I will share what has happened and is happening since the time I KNEW I was different...or is it all THAT different.

6 comments:

Lisa said...

For me personally,I questioned myself when I was 12 maybe 13.At that time,I sat in this huge chair we had in the living room...nobody was home and I said it out loud "I think I'm gay." I must of said it twice,maybe three times...and it just seemed so surreal and distant like I couldn't really grasp what it meant to be queer.Now,after coming out I'm trying to assert my identity.I find it hard because I'm certainly not femme but right now I don't feel comfortable calling myself "butch" either....even though I'm more at home there.
I think it depends on the individual and who they have around them as a support system.It might take some women longer because of circumstance.I guess when I finally get there I'll know, but for now I'm enjoying the evolution of myself into the person that I feel am on the inside.I think that's the beauty of being queer....things are not set in stone and we are much much more willing to experiment with gender,sexuality,and relationship roles.

My Secret Garden said...

When I was about ten, I was trying on some clothes in a changing cublicle ... the curtain swung to one side as I dumped my worn clothes on the ground, and as I lifted my head, my eyes stumbled across a grown women taking off her T-shirt ... her breasts were all there, wobbling away for my amazed and mesmerized little eyes ...I didn't think anything of it at the time ... but today, I know that that strange tingling in the base of my stomach was not just curiosity, but real, pure, true attraction ...
... I love a woman's naked body - today I'm 40, and I've only been able to recognize this for the past year or so.
We are so conditioned, aren't we????!!!!

Danyelle said...

I have had this conversation many times with my best friend, you know, those late night phone conversations you have and alot of things are revealed? Anyway, I guess for me my gaze has always lingered a little longer on the ladies than it was "supposed" to. There is something about the female form, in all its shapes, sizes, and colors that is just pure beauty. I love it!! My first experience and when I really knew was when I had a chance encounter over the phone with a girl(I was like 18 at the time) who supposedly had animosity towards me(she was a friend of this guy I was kind of dating). We met to talk about it after several phone conversations and ended up dating and eventually developed a relationship.

Shân said...

Wow, I seem to have started earlier than lots, and my way of knowing seems to be a lot more direct... I was ten I think, and my friend and I had run out of things to do and decided to play a game of dares. At first it was an innocent game, full of stupid dares you'd expect two nine year old girls to do, but then I boldly dared my friend to take a piece of honeycomb from my mouth without using any hands... she took it from me with her tongue and it turned into a long and beautiful kiss (also my first kiss, and hers too)... from that day on, really I knew I was into girls... we kept going back for more every day, things getting more and more absurd for girls of our age, ending with us naked on her bed touching eachother to our content... we continued kidding eachother it was just dares though, and denial about being lesbian or bi ran through my head until I met another girl four years later, my current girlfriend, and fell in love with her and she stopped me from denying it to myself... the girl I played dares with seems to have worked out that she is in-fact straight and has been in a relationship with a guy for sometime now, I guess for her it was just some experimentation, but for me it was a whole lot more...

Lizzy said...

I didnt realize how much i loved women until I started having feelings for a good friend. I was 20 i think.
I was in denial for a long time but had never really had strong feelings for a woman as i did my friend. My desire for her was so strong and undeniable.
But once i realized how much i liked her, and girls in general, all those repressed thoughts made sense. I hate that I'm a late bloomer but I'm extremely happy to have faced that part of me.

Anonymous said...

I WAS NINE LOVED TO PLAY NURSE AND NURSE STILL TO YOUNG TOO SEE. I AM 48 NEVER TRIED AND VERY,VERY CURIOUS

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