Who Am I ? akiss2desire is a Bible Belt Blogging Bi Big Beautiful Babe who has been sharing her writing, mostly 1st person lesbian erotica, short stories, poetry, and lesbian pop culture realizations from both the experience and fantasy perspectives to an ever growing audience. I recently passed a million page views ! Thanks for the nominations for the Lezzie awards honoring best lesbian erotica on the web.

Those who have come here regularly know that I have taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and publishing, but my past work is still here and if you are new here there is much to be consumed. I am working on several stories right now and writing from the same mix of experience and fantasy that readers have told me they loved.

Those stories will be the foundation of my upcoming compilation book. Today, you get to read for free. Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.

Tuesday

Contradiction -Lesbian In Heart Mind Soul But Not In Life

I am at a place in my life in my sexual life...where I have contradictions.
I know that I knew I was at least bisexual when I was 12 but didnt act on it til I was 18, and have acted so very little on it since.

I knew when I was so young because I was reading books, seeing movie scenarios and tv scenes with lesbian and bisexual women ..and I was without a doubt sure that I was that. But, it didnt seem like could tell anyone... but my bisexuality was evident in the fantasies i had almost every night were about women. I should say MOSTLY women because sometimes would it be about whatever boy or man i got a crush on....but 80% of the time about women.
I remember most of that fantasy was just not directed at any girl in particular ..or i should probably say woman, since i never really thought about girls in my school. But I went through High School with nothing happening with women or girls but lots happening with boys...just normal.

But the first summer I was out of high school something finally did....and I was then knowing that I was bisexual but not at all ready to even think that I might be "lesbian" as a label. I was still interested in boys and dating ...but even then I knew it was not what I truly wanted...it was just what I was doing. Going with the flow. Being interested in boys was why my first girfriend ended that relationship after a month. I was naive enough to think that being bisexual means you can have two lovers ..one of each, right ? I am sure it works that way for some..but my girlfriend did not see it that way ..and I have honestly regretted losing her since. Since then..only women i was with were two one night stands that I met on the internet..and the last one was a long time ago..like more than four years.

But this is why I say I am at a contradiction..all my life, I have been wanting to be with women with a passion ..every day I think about it and wish something would happen...but all that happens is day to day life, You go to school, get a job, get married and have a baby. You keep in touch with family and try not to piss off your parents ...you do what everyone ELSE is doing..and none of these things... NONE of these things has anything at all to do with wanting to be with a woman.

I only ever came out to one friend, who turned me down painfully, and aside from that it doesnt come up...not at work not at church, not anywhere I socialize would a woman I meet say "nice boobs...would you like to make love?" LOL I swear....if it wasnt for the internet ...the lesbian side of me, which I am realizing is most of me and always has been ...if it weren't for the internet it would have nowhere to go.

So it goes here now ...on this blog. All of me revealed ...eventually

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