Lesbian Lust and Fantasy's First Kiss

 I started this blog in 2007, but it was actually the second blog of lesbian erotica I created.  The first was erased when I thought I might be discovered.  Lost alot of my early writing, but maybe that was meant to be.  I was looking at some old emails and came across this letter I wrote and wondered if I had posted it on this site, and it turns out I did, near the start of "A Lesbian Kiss 2 Desire."   So this is a "best of" and shows my earlier writing.  I didn't use words like "pussy" and the like then ...a practice an author I greatly respect now strongly encouraged me to abandon.  So ...if you have run across this in the older archives, my apologies ...Just wanted to share this for anyone who hasn't.  

At the time I wrote this I had only been with 3 women.  This was written for a woman that I never hooked up with, but at the time, it was a certainty we would.  I think that comes across.  I hope my writing has gotten a bit better, but if you have a comment, please send me an email at akiss2desire@gmail.com . 


daydreaming about this time when we meet.

I have no idea where it is..but its a sunny day...I know that we are probably going to meet the first time in a restauraunt ...but for some reason in the daydream I am always thinking its like a parking lot or something.

The sky couldn't be more blue and its the middle of the day.

You are even more beautiful in person than in your pictures..and now I can see the beauty in your eyes that a picture can never pick up ..and the curve of the fabric around your breasts lets me know their weight, their sway and a hint of what your nipples look like, a subject i must confess that I have obsessed on a bit from time to time since the crush between us became so strong. You probably have no idea how badly I want you lately ..but my desire is as strong as ever as I crave your affection.

So there we are in this parking lot. You are there first and as I drive up I recognize the description of your car.  I notice that you have noticed me driving up and when I pull up next to you, you look through the windows and smile at me..wave ...I do the same...put the car into park..check my purse and a quick check of my hair and makeup for the 100th time in the last hour...probably give myself a quick pep talk "this is it" and nervous, excited start to get out of my car and realize you too are getting out of your car. We are exchanging our first smiles and a hug ...a hug in my fantasy that is so tight because I am sooooo glad this moment has finally arrived. I am tempted to kiss you right there but realize we are in public and .....who knows..you may be seeing me for the first time and realizing you aren't really attracted to me...too fat or something.

Even though we both know WHY we are here together at this moment..I cant' help but be so so so nervous and it shows in our small talk...you look great...you say I do..I love that you wore something for me that shows so much cleavage and I have already noticed that you noticed mine when I walked toward you the first time....we knew this is how some of this would be...but now its the reality and we talk about each other instead of ourselves...the mutual admiration society commences its meeting and you have turned me into a giddy schoolgirl who is trying to impress her first crush.

In this fantasy I realize that I will probably be so nervous and wanting to know if you really like me..probably looking for signs that we could have something deeper and stronger than the orgasmic sex that seems a given that will happen between us if not today, then sometime...and that at some point with whatever is said, I feel comfortable enough to take a deep breath and relax ..then I know I can look at you...just LOOK at you in a sexual way and start to think of what it really will be like.

But in my fantasy ..today can't be that day ...because we are pressed for time...only an hour maybe an hour and a half. You have told me that you can find a place for us to go ...but I have no idea where.... so I say..."are you ready to get out of ths parking lot," and we have to decide which car to take....it seems logical to take whichever has the most room ( i have a small size SUV) ...but whichever car we take...I am wanting YOU to drive (in the fantasy...reality can be different if we want it to be)

So you in the drivers seat ..me in the passengers seat...before you start the car a moment when I say "hey...we are alone...finally." and I reach out my hand to squeeze your thigh..."is it ok ?" "yes" .. "no hard feelings if you back out ok?" "Im not backing out.....are you?" "I've never wanted you more" "I've wanted to be alone with you for so long."


The car starts and we start to pull away...where are you taking me....how far? how private will it be? As you drive I am so excited and just looking at your face and your curves and beggining to tingle. I check the mirror again...ask myself if I overdid the makeup ..the eyeshadow ...did i make a mistake going with that shade of blue for our "first date." Wondering if this was a dress to impress date or in this middle of the day setting where unfortunately you have to return to work (but I dont,) if I left you at perceived disadvantage by wanting you to see my dress up side while you were forced to be conservative enough to go back to work. Still small talk til you get where you are going. I sincerely have no idea in reality where you will take us ..dying to know :) but have imagined a very secluded spot where we will not be discovered. I touch your thigh as you drive...you hold my hand ...we continue the sighs, deep breaths of nervousness and smiles...you say what I'm thinking and I say what you are thinking as we go down the road to the place.

The vehicle turns off and we are alone ..very alone..I didn't know this secluded place existed...and so...and so....and SO ... this ....is indeed IT. THE MOMENT for us. My seat belt comes unbuckled and I know we are about to kiss ..but how? we both sooooooooo know its coming. and want it. I can feel you want all that this will allow us...It's like I can feel your skin pulsating under my lips, and yet I havent touched you like that yet. and again..with you going back to work ...it cant allow us much....we must restrain some...and I wonder how greedy we will be with our wants.

You want to get out or stay in the car ? We decide to stay in (in my fantasy) ..and I come closer to you and lay my head upon your shoulder. My right arm goes around you to your shoulder and then your neck...my forearm is against your breast and we are both aware that we have noticed that fact. Can I just lay here like this for a few minutes..you say its ok and I caress you...you caress me back...tell me its nice..its not rushed. My gawd what a rush it is to look into your beautiful eyes and feel your desire.

You tell me we have to leave at a certain time...and we will keep an eye on the clock..but that time girl..that time will go so fast....racing faster than the beats of my heart at the moment.

Things have a certain order it seems...though I know in the future at a moment like this I would be very comfortable caressing your breasts right now...I know our lips must ... MUST come together. You are so beautiful as I scoot high enough in the seat to get at your level..a bit above it...not yet...I caress your thigh....and come very close to your crotch without going there yet...you compliment my touch without a word...just the look in your eyes....ready for this ? spoken or unspoken ..thats where we are...I KNOW you are about to know the softness in a kiss like you have never felt and that fact turns me on even more...

lips ............. tongue ............... soft moan ............. melt ............ deeper ..... open your eyes and look into mine ...we have arrived here together in this moment

kiss me back and i will kiss you deeper still.
and I can wait no longer to feel the weight of your breast in my right hand as it lowers from behind your neck.
shifting to be closer and against each other our bodies make the best of what we can in the vehicle.

but

oh babe...so much the desire..we are both flowing into our panties ...and ...we cant finish what we are starting...today we are just making out...but ...we need and want more.....

Did you wear something that I can easily touch you down there in ? I will know your wetness. I want your hands upon my breasts and take your hand and put it there. I can feel the electricity shoot through you as well as me. oh melt into this with me darling...let this not be our last time but the first of so many.

I am afraid of pulling our shirts off or our panties down in a place that could be discovered....but I want to touch you ....I push a finger into your wetness...."do we need to stop" "please dont stop"
so good
I know
so let me like this
I lean up against the car door on my side of the vehicle...ask you to turn around and lean with your back up against my body..you are unsure...but like this I can smell your hair, kiss your sweet soft lips, enter your blouse with my left hand and feel your nipples harden and respond to my desire, and finger your wetness with my right hand ...and easily all at the same time.....it is not too tempting not to take you over the edge and feel your come....I whisper in your ear...I really wanted the first time to be with my mouth babe....promise me I can bury my face in your thighs soon..."yes" you reply... want me to take you all the way...."please" ...so I will ....you squirm, moan for me, call my name softly, and I bring you the explosion ..."I need to taste you" you tell me..and I assure you that you will ..but not today...unexpectedly you softly grab my wrist and bring my fingers covered in the wetness of your vagina and suck on my fingers...beautiful first with your eyes closed and open them to see me in admiration and pure lust.

Our time is up..and we have to get you back to looking somewhat unsexed :) before you return.

more kisssing..more making out...more promises and promises to keep our promises

Sherry and Me on A Lesbian Blind Date from Craigslist NSA

by akiss2desire
feedback to akiss2desire@gmail.com

copyright 2009 all rights reserved.
When I sat down in the booth with her at the meeting place she had designate,  I took off my jacket,  and unexpectadly, but not to my dismay,  half my right tit fell out.  As I covered,  I glanced around and there were quite a few gawkers ..not all male.  I liked that ..and I liked that Sherry had that "trying not to look but I can't help it" look in her eyes right at me and right at my breast. I wondered to myself in the split second that all this was occuring, "where did all this self confidence come from?"  How far I had come in a few short years.  I once was shy "bi" woman seeking lesbian emotional experiences, and had emerged as a lesbian (albeit still married)  seeking no strings attached relationships on craigs list.  I used to seek  comfort in finding  older and perhaps more desperate subjects for hooking up with.  Here now in the booth and the low lights of the restaurant was the realization that when you post an ad that honestly stated that I am a "married, 32 bi mom in search of someone sweet, honest, perhaps in the curious stage and between the ages of 18-25" that the shoot the moon mentality I posted that with had now become the dream come true sitting in the booth across from me in freckle faced, doe eyed, whispy red headed 23 year old Sherry.  SO beautiful to me in her purple embroidered tunic that was equisite, and although it didnt plunge to show the cleavage I would have hoped for, she had made a good choice for our blind date in pkcing something that clung to her breasts, outlining them so much as to leave little to be imagined about the size and perfectly round shape.  WHile I show my tits with a plunging v-neck, she shows hers in the cutest top that was exquisitely sexy on her.  How I had come to crave lesbian sex from younger women is just how my path down the yellow brick road of my lesbian adventure had taken me.  I had become a woman who wanted what she wanted.  And Sherry not only exemplified what I wanted, but the way she treated me proved the feelings of attraction were mutual. 

"Did you notice everyone in the bar watching you ?" she laughed.  She too was one of the gawkers.

"You know..there are watchers and there are doers...which one are you..which ones are we both?"  I asked her.  And that seemed to set the stage for the banter and mutual admiration as we ordered our drinks and rattled off whatever came top of mind ...she was one of those people who are just so easy to talk to about everything, and we clicked immediately.  But whatever we talked about that WASNT about sex, getting out of there and getting somewhere more private was on both of our minds from the get go.  An internet hookup has to be like this.  No matter how good the chat conversation is, and no matter how the telephone set up of the date happens, when it becomes reality you agree to meet in neutral place to make sure the chemistry isn't awful.  I don't know how it is for others, but for me, as long as she looks mostly like her picture was and acts fairly pleasant, doesn't smoke or if she does doesn't blow it in my face, doesn't act like she detests me or comes across as so self centered you can't get a word in edgewise, then the fact of the matter is that the nuetral place is just a staging area for where we are going to wind up ...hooking up in the car or a room or in some way.  Once we realize the attraction lives, its trying to deal the cards down to the end of the deck til someone can feel comfortable enough to say in some way that its time to go do this thing we came to do. 

But she was different ...acting like she was so into me with flattering comments and the way she made her eyes at me melted me each time we locked gaze.

"I'm not sure what it is you do to me" she paused and twirled a ringlet of her shoulder length red curls, "But ....ummmm... this effect you are having on me is ...its like im on a drug here,  I am so captivated by you."

"So you have never done the girl thing ?" 

"The girl thing ?  You mean  the lesbian thing ?"

"Yes, the LESBIAN thing," I half mocked myself for not being able to say what I meant. 

"Well no I haven't ...but ... something tells me this is the last night I am going to be able to say that."  She looked down embarrassed but with anticipation for what was to come for both of us.

We had held hands across the table a couple of times in conversation lulls,  but this clasp of each others fingers was one that communicated more.  The grip didn't linger for not wanting to attract attention to ourselves in a small town Ruby Tuesday's, but it felt like torture for me, and I felt for her as well, to not be able to touch each other as our eyes drank each other in. 

"It feels like you trust me," I stated. 

"No reason not to is there ?   If I am acting nervous, I'm really not ...it's just I don't know how to act or what to do or really anything more than...." and she stopped and searched for the words.  The pause went on long enough to where I thought she might not have more to say.

"Or more than what ?"  I smiled.

"See ..I thought I came here to make love with you..to have sex..the NSA ..no strings attached thing.   But this just feels so different and it's about alot more than just sex."


I told her  "I feel completely the same way..and I want you to know that you can ask for anything.   In fact I want you to ask me for whatever you want, and this goes for here in this bar, or wherever we might be heading in a little while...that whatever makes you happy, satisfied, content, whatever helps you realize the highest pleasure is mine."

We both contemplated for a moment when the waiter showed perfect timing in asking us what next, and in her eyes I confirmed that it was time to ask for the check.  She didn't object. We were ready.

 
"What do you think of me?   I'd like to know?   I mean..this is a monumental experience for me and for you ...I mean, you have done this before?"

"Well ...Sherry ...you have this quiet sexuality ..wait ..sensuality is a better word ...its like ...you are one  of those women who can walk into a room of 100 people and everyone notices, everything about the way you walk and your mannerisms and the eye contact you make when you talk suggests a sexuality.  It's like, every woman who sees you simultaneously wants to guard against you fucking her man, while also wondering what it would be like to fuck you themselves...and for that I am very lucky to be in your company tonight. " 

"I wasnt expecting that."

I knew my words had an affect on her and decided to pour it on a little.  "Your eyes and hair and smile ?  Id love to know what you are like when you come ..what you are like when those beautiful eyes are exhuasted from coming all night," I said, lowering my voice to a whisper only she could hear with straining, " When I make love to your pussy, I want every drop of your passion."

We took my car to the hotel and held hands with very little conversation along the way as the nerves were building.  I rather enjoyed this phase of the conquest and my pussy was already aching to be touched and my mind was already ravishing her.   She asked me something nobody ever did before.  "I want to know if I ask you to stop ...can we stop?"  "We can stop at any time."
I thought that this was a trust issue ..that she had no damn intention of stopping ...but needed reassurance that it was ok if the chemistry suddenly became an issue."

We were in the hotel room before we had our first full embrace, with her fully 6 inches shorter than me, I held her against my chest and she locked her arms around my neck.   I looked in her eyes searching for any hint of doubt, but there was absolutely none as our mouths accepted each others tongue.  When i kissed her, her deepest secrets came to the surface ....and flowed right  through me. There was no doubt that most of what she was thinking was penetrating me without any words needed. It was like her whole history of pent up lesbian desires, the buildup of not just our needs we brought to craigs list that led up to that moment and the buildup of the last half hour to this sexual fullfillment, that the hopes, dreams and fears of our future, the next few hours and the next few years, were all there exposed in her deep, vulnerable  open to my tongue and open to anything at that moment kiss. Standing, kissing, my breath quickening and feeling a faint flush and my legs feeling rubbery.  She was saying sweet things in between kisses ...compliments on my lips and tongue.  "I can't tell you how different this is with you....its never been like this," I stated with some truth, while knowing we were both caught up in the moment.  "It's (kiss) very (kiss) difficult to (deeper kiss) go slow with you tonight."   And with that she crossed her arms beneath her and lifted her tunic over her head in one fell swoop.  I gave only one quick squeeze and lift of her breasts and reached around to unclasp her bra.   She had begun to turn around to help me when it unlatched and left her breasts to bobble below my boggled eyes taking in her pink skin and freckled chest a bit blotchy from the heat between us.  She...yes she, the first timer, reached down to undo my jeans and inch them down around my waist, then almost desperately pulled my top the first half of the way over my head ...I finished and didnt stop to accept the admiration of her eyes, unclasping the front hook of my black lacy bra that was on the floor in seconds.  Now skin to skin and both of us only in panties, the soft skin of my large breasts plopped onto her medium ones below them and our embrace was tight, warm, and assuring to us both.  I was buried in her fragrant hair, nippping at an earlobe, then an open mouth, wet mouthed, full tongue, gentle but passionate assault on the nape of her neck  She tugged me down towards the bed and laid me on top of her in a deep french kiss.  Sooooo needing more I disengaged from the kiss to go lower.  I cold never describe the timber in her voice in the "oh gawd yes."  Those are words but don't do justice to what I heard when my mouth engulfed her left breast at the nipple.  I so love to suck on boobs ...like my favorite thing in the world in those moments, and was soon swirling my tongue around her areolas, enjoying the erectness of her nipple, grazing my tongue along the edges.  She had her first lesbian kiss, was now fully involved in her first lesbian sex, and her passion was building with each passing moment.  She reached down to grab hold of one breast of mine, and then another, mumbling "I love your tits ..you have the greatest tits."  I accepted the compliment by moaning into her nipple, sucking in deeply.  

"Are you ready ?"

I slipped off the top of her and on my knees on the floor with her legs draped over the side of the bed ...she strokes my arm while my fingers find her drenched for me. We are making eye contact and she is smiling, laughing, giggling and giddy, and I am too but then my tongue first swipes her clit and I look up and her whole face changes, ecstasy, eyes roll back, jaw drops, hips scrunch into me, and my fingers manipulate her lips spreading for the probing spear of my tongue  This is her first time but she has fantasized this for so long it feels right for both of us.  She instinctively handles her own breasts , massaging and pulling on her nipples quite a bit harder than I would have ..nice to know that she knows what she likes, and I take mental note for later.  Her eyes softly half closed and concentrating on the pleasure my tongue provides.  I like the way my hanging breasts squash across her warm thigh in this position when I lift myself up and stop licking and sucking for a moment to give her better finger, and cherish her beauty.  In looking down upon her pussy,  and with my fingers starting with my pinky and finishing with my thumb, five fingers dragging across her clit like strumming a harp string, and then so wet
while my 2 digits enter her again and again while my other hand seperates her wet lips and gently strokes her clit.   I can only keep my hunger to suck her in check for so long before I dive back down upon her with ever more lust, and as I get more serious there, her breathing and sighing and squirming  let me know we are advancing together. She's not much of a moaner at this point, but thats ok because there are so many other ways she shows me its good.   I love looking up at her towards the headboard, lapping at her as she can see how much I am into this, into her. Again and again, she can only keep her fingers and palms off her breasts for so long before she is back stroking her soft skin or clawing more firmly and aggressively at them.  Watching her play with her tits excites me more, and the pleasure of seeing her bite down on her lower lip when my tongue flicks faster. Her stomach muscles tighten and the grunt comes from deep within.   While I often like to finger and penetrate while licking and sucking the clit, with Sherry I am using both hands to part her lips wide and my cheeks are buried deeply into her pussy, tongue lapping and sucking and her right hand latches on to my left arm and strokes me, but also guides me, when a particular tongue motion excites her greatly, she squeezes harder a wordless communique.

I scrunch downward towards the floor and get a different angle where I lose contact with the beauty of her eyes, but ready myself for her first lesbian orgasm.   I stop for just a moment to massage my breasts, reach down for the wetness between my own aching legs, and then find myself looking upward.  Her beautiful, sweet, wonderful, and yes I have to say, young pussy.   My eyes beaming at its uniqueness, its vibrant beauty and the lips folded around the glistening gap my mouth began to be drawn back to.Placing my fingertips and palms at the equisitely soft skin of her inner thighs and gently pushing her legs wide open ..my first nudge providing the first movement by suggestion, her legs opening all the way in acceptance of what we both wanted..she dropped her hips over the edge of the bed and hung her cunt right there for me to suck and drink in.  And then a tiny thurst  of her hips into my face as my tongue touched...to not only find comfort, but also to exemplify her anxiousness to get along with it. My tongues sensual caress became an exaggerating motion and her hands clasped the back of my head and though I couldnt see from my vantage point, I knew she had half sat up and was tensing for the no longer to be denied climax. 

Before her explosion, one of my fingers came down to my own need.  I guess I've fingered myself while giving head to guys, but don't remember ever doing it while going down on a woman.  But I was so into it. The tingling and aching sensation within me became deep desire as if my heart would leap right out.  There is a feeling I dearly love ...when the wetness begins to trickle from me...seeping and trickling down my thigh ..its not a gush but its just that masturbation is absolutely wonderful in so many ways, and in my distant past, sex with men had momentary thrills, but it was only when making out with another woman did my pussy produce moisture in abundance to where I could squeeze the walls of my vagina and feel that warm squish, the wetm stream down my thighs, and the excitement of knowing how SHE was going to react when she felt how wet I was for her. Only her. The position I was in enhanced this "drip" and it excited me to feel such a reaction to myself.  Oh forgive me for the vanity of this statement ..but I'd have have loved to have been buried in my own pussy at that moment.  But, the next best thing, was being buried in Sherrys, and the walls of her vagina were pulsating against my two thrusting fingers and her ability to keep quiet during all this was shattered as she began to convulse and undulate.  I went from sucking her clit with my mouth and fingering her, to reversing the roles....tweaking and very very rapidly rubbing her stiff clit to orgasm while my tongue probed deeper - it was passionate without being predatory. 



As wave upon wave upon another surprising wave of orgasm built and released I wondered if it would ever stop , and when my "newbie" did it all to me with her first time, yet expert technique, if there would come a moment that night when she wasn't able to coax another screaming orgasm from me.

For a casual encounter ..a no strings attached lesbian blind date from craigs list meeting for seemingly sex and only sex, there was alot of love in that room in the afterglow.  Such soft caressing and hardly able to say goodbye.

Oprah Winfrey Does Porn For Women - And I got a huge compliment

Oprah Winfrey did a show on women who love porn and erotica and came up with a figure of something like 1 in 3 women do it, to which I am sure 2 in 3 were aghast, and the rest of us went "I am not alone ! " But best thing was Violet Blue did the best job ever of explaining the difference between porn and erotica, and I would like to share that.  

"Porn is something that is a graphic sexual image that conjures up an animalistic reaction in you. You like it or you don't," she says. "Erotica also is graphic sexual imagery, but it has an extra component or several extra components that resonate with the viewer—be it artistic, be it passionate, be it something that emotionally engages you, be it something that parlays into a fantasy that you have about sexuality or the way that you relate to the people on screen."

If you're overwhelmed or intimidated by porn, Violet suggests a little online exploration. "The Internet has really made it possible for the average woman to peruse porn in safety and on her own terms," she says. "Women can engage with other women about porn online, as well.




Next ...I am a contributer to the top online amateur erotica site, "Literotica," and entered my story about "Young Kate" on Literotica.    I got the biggest complimentary review:

"What a perfectly marvelous tale of lesbian seduction, and sweet satisfaction. Kate's willing acceptance of her older friend's sapphic overtures was handled with just the right combination of finesse and repressed lust. Brenda is true to her calling and it's so pleasing to see how sweetly she brings her teenage protege into the lesbian appreciation society. When I read such a wonderfully-composed story, I have to imagine such a discovery happening in real life....as I'm sure it does.

Your talent for the subject is too obvious to deny. How many sexually-frustrated married moms are out there just waiting for the right opportunity to explore their bi-side ?


Oprah and the review made for a good day.  And I have a crush that is as big as the cornfields in the midwest.

Finally, a little housecleaning for regular readers...I wrote a teaser about making love with a strap on recently, and a couple have written to ask me how that went or how it is going.  Short answer, ain't gonna happen.  At least not at this point in my life.  I am not ready and she and I are no longer anticipating intimacy.
Almost finished with my latest and will post on Friday :   THANK you for reading this blog, check out the archives, friend me on facebook, and send me an email at akiss2desire@gmail.com

ONE OF THE TOP 50 LESBIAN DATING BLOGS

As a blog writer I sometimes come across another blog that has won some kind of award of recognition.  I get some wonderful and thankful emails from the readers of this blog, but the accolades have been few and far between, and probably deservingly so because what I write about is so niche.  I was thrilled to open my email this week and find that this blog has been named one of the "Top 50 Lesbian Dating Blogs." by Lesbian and Dating.net  http://www.lesbiandating.net/blog/.  Not only was I honored, but a few of my favorite blogs were noted for which I was honored to be named in the same post as.  I am truly not worthy, but will keep at it :)  If anyone knows of an award or accolade I could put my blog in the running for, do me a solid and email me here. Thank You So Much.

I'm a Lesbian Phone Sex Mentor

I'm A Lesbian Phone Sex Mentor
Lesbian Erotica by akiss2desire
all right reserved
feedback to akiss2desire@gmail.com 
We were talking on the phone about how much we wanted to be together ...how much we missed each others touch. While we both tiptoed around the L word (love ...the lesbian part was no longer in question for either of us) we each were very comfortable telling each other how wonderful the other was as a lover. It was just small talk...lovey dovey talk ..and pretty much, could have been construed as "just checkin in to let you know I am thinking about you" talk until she started to give me indications that she was interested in being more intimate than our devotional, flirtatious conversations had gotten us to.

What I would prefer to call "phone intimacy," but most would call phone sex, and who am I to deny that, is something that I have not only dabbled in a dozen wonderful times from some genuinely wonderful, erotic, and vocally orgasmic women I have met through the vast exploration of my lesbian self on the two dimensional internet. It became a great way to take something that I did (we all did ?) a time or two before getting "over" it pretty quickly, cyber sex, and take that to another, more personal, and intimate level. I think that pretty much, when you meet a woman, (a real woman ..and I know that is not always an easy thing) in a chatroom, it pretty much answers alot of questions in that there isn't much doubt that the two of us have arrived with our lesbian sexuality at the very least on our mind, and likely, time and privacy permitting, will be handed over to each others own fingers, palms, and / or the trusty vibe. Getting to the point of trusting someone enough to make that leap with you , and you trusting them as well, means that over the years, phone sex with women ...online strangers who became over the course of an afternoon or a few talks and emails the gasping and sultry voiced sisters in mutual orgasmic bliss thanks to AT & T, was pretty much few and far between. And while I realize that what I am describing is far from something considered as "real sex," and is understandably not for everyone, (the "You say it best when you say nothing at all" amongst us), for me as a small town closet bisexual (lesbian !) mom with very little free time and a few long dry spells between skin to skin lovers, the "phone thing" has been something I have enjoyed over the years as a way to come WITH someone as opposed to just coming alone inspired by whatever chat, vid, or passionate lesbian erotica that was available to coincide with the "me time" I had set aside for my favorite pastime since my first masturbatory orgasm when I was in 5th grade.

I remember the first two phone sex experiences I had. I had been propositioned a few times for it and had turned it down..and that was with women I had been chatting with regularly, I just wasn't ready to do "THAT" with a woman, although I had done it with boyfriends a few times and also with two different guys from the internet, both coincidentally from Alabama, (don't know why that sticks with me) and both of whom hung up as SOON as they reached orgasm. Left me very cold. The time I finally did it was with a girl who was curious and inexperienced ...at the time I had only been with two women myself ...and she said something like "I hope I am not being too forward but I was wondering if we could call each other and see whatever happens." I have to say it was very weird at first and neither of us knew what to say, but each of us shared our orgasms with one another in descriptions of what we'd do with each other gasped between moans and other sounds of sexual excitement ..and to ME it was soooo good that I wanted to do it again with her. However, she had a religious epiphany and claimed that her lesbian feelings were wrong in the eyes of the church ...you've heard of women turning other women gay???? Apparently, at least at that time in her life, phone sex with me had turned a woman well on her way to the glory of lesbian experiences straight. Bummer !

The second experience ..(as well as the 3rd, 4th and a few more after that) was with a woman in the DC area with whom I was talking about meeting with. We never did that, although it had been a possibility unfullfilled for about a year. But, in her office, she could talk with me in a normal conversational tone, pretending she was on a business call if someone came up, and while her "sexy" talk was very limited in this situation, she very much ...and I very much ...enjoyed the buildup of my own orgasms on phone and sharing them with her that way. Her relief would come when I was done, she would excuse herself to the ladies room. It was dangerous and wonderful and I soooo much wish she had become a lover in the flesh.

In my lesbian phone sex experiences I developed a preference to be already turned on and at the point of getting off before the call was made ..and for the conversation to NOT be about "what I will do to you and you to me," although, because that's what some of the women I called clearly wanted, I, as the giving lover I am ..even on the phone ...gave into that mentality.

Now, it must not go unsaid the times that there was a man on the other end of the call I made was numerous. I've no interest in writing about this other than to say it is just AWFUL ...the worst was the woman who started doing it with me, and her man picked up the phone and said the most vile and disgusting things I could ever hear ..as if that would cause me to continue. It STILL makes my stomach turn to think of it. Yes ..I had been fooled completely a few times into believing, or WANTING to believe that a character on the other end of chat was who they said they were. You live and learn, but it never made me quit seeking these enjoyable to me experiences.

With trust I've found release this way more times than I can believe ...and most everytime it happened it was fulfilling. I love the compliments of how "sexy" my voice is, or the college student in North Carolina who did it with me 3 times over the course of several years who sought me out in saying, "I just love the way you sound when you let it go," and the apparently fairly rich housewife in Houston who I showed me her cam while I watched her on the vid and heard her through the phone to volcanic results. She was at one point , at least she said, willing to fly to Virginia to be with me if I could block out a weekend ...something a bi-mom in the closet can't do.

One woman did in fact share a phone orgasm with me before we shared a bed ...but again, I had not really had a phone thing with anyone AFTER I had done it. However, phone sex with strangers, or at the very least, women from far enough away that they aren't possibly just coming over for coffee anytime soon, being something in my comfort zone, doing it with someone who has been your lover, or might potentially be a skin to skin quenching of the constant lesbian thirst, is something I never experienced. And I wouldn't probably initiate it ...but she had never done this ..and apparrently she got a bug up her butt to provoke me ...and this erotic conversation and experience ensued.


"I just wish you were here to hold me." I said. Our relationship has room for much romance in addition to the sex and I was trying to let her know I was on the same page as her where thats concerned.

"I want to do so much more than hold you." --- A usual flirtatious remark, but this time was different. Her voice as she said this told me as much as the words did...there was an absolutely, unmistakeably horny lilt in her voice ...so much so that I wondered if she hadn't already begun to touch herself. That thought urged my palm directly towards my own pulsing need.

"Do you know how good your tongue is babe...I mean seriously, do you have any earthly idea just how amazing it is when you do what you do with your mouth?" she gushed, making me gush in a totally different sense of the word.

"Well...I've been told some things," I smiled ...laughed a little ...relaxed a little and enjoyed her affectionate comments.

"I mean...sometimes you are licking me or sucking on my clit and I am thinking "how do you know how to do this to me," and I guess I ...I mean ..I just think its not just cause it's cause we are two women ...it's...."

I finished her thought "...its because I care so much for you.....its because everything that I want to experience flows through you and the pleasure you feel ...its like ever time I hear you moan or cause your legs to quiver or quake, its like I feel that all through my own body."

"I am feeling that with you too ...but", her voice trailed into resignation and lack of confidence, "I don't think, when we're making love ...I just don't think that I'm doing to you what you do to me."

"Oh STOP that ...don't say things like that ...do you need me to moan even louder ? " I said enthusiastically, and I realized she just needed reassurance, and searched my mind for the right thing to say. "When you go down on me, (its always a struggle to choose those words when I am thinking "eat me," or "suck me") "its like I feel alot more than just what your tongue and fingers do ...you understand ? I can feel ...its almost like I can feel what you are thinking."

"It's never been like that with anyone else," she said softly ...in resignation that I was right.

"....Sooooo
ummm
have you ever had phone sex with any girls?
"I have," I confidently admitted.
"Welllll...how um....how does ... exactly does that work ...i mean..Ive done it with boys and all ..but ...how does it work if its a girl?"

My voice lowered in timber to find a seductive tone," Is that a proposition baby?"

"I think so (she whined slightly)...I mean...I don't know... but ...I just can't tell you how horny I've been today and I just wish you could be here ...right now..I'd attack you. But ...I'm just asking...how you do that ...I never did it before."

I laughed the truthful laugh, "there's alot I've done you haven't done," and she laughed as well with me. I continued, "You never had a girl like me who you could phone fuck with....but now...maaayyybbe you do."

"Well I don't want to make a jerk of myself..I just don't know how...so HOW have you done it?"

In the low timber I admitted, "I've had some good experiences that way to be honest."

"You have ?"

"Always orgasmic thats for sure."

I realized that by the fact we were so deep into talking about HOW it could happen, already meant that for the most part, we were already having sex this way ...and even though I'd done this before, I must relate that I was still nervous in how to proceed and where it was going. "I think the times i did it ...I did it with girls i met online in aol and yahoo chatrooms...there was this one girl who would chat with me online and we'd exchange these very erotic pictures ..and anyway ..she was at work and I was at home and I'd be like "I wanna be with you when you come ..I want to hear your moans and all that." So ..she would say as long as I was cool with it that she was in an office with an open door and couldnt be doing alot herself ...but wanted me to call her and so sure enough, we'd be talking and whispering and id be masturbating and eventually coming .and as it was building up, she would have to greet people that came in in her normal office voice..."yeah...i called that client and she said it would be taken care of..." or something like that and ..like sometimes the conversations would take a few seconds ...or a minute ...and then she'd back with me with,'"ok Im alone" and we'd start back up. What she would do is be with me on the phone until I got off and sometimes got off again ..and then she'd eventually get to go to the bathroom and finish herself. I couldnt hear that part ..but I could definitely hear how excited she was getting while maintaining her professionalism in the office. It was an extreme turn on and we did this about 7 or 8 times."

Though I could still hear the horniness in her voice,she could always get me talking about something when she was intrigued about something, especially something sexual. She just saw me, it seems, as such a sexual mentor. "So like ..how did you ...like did you describe what you'd do...i mean..with the guys I've done it with, we like ..I'd basically describe how i'd suck it ...you know..how id give him head and then hearing him beat off and breathing hard and telling me how good it was when we were making love would excite me and eventually he'd come ..and a couple of times I did too ..but usually I just faked an orgasm ....but it was still pretty hot. Mostly I just wanted to hear him beat off ya know ....Oh I am sooo sick and perverted."

"You aren't sick...I think alot of people do it."

"So its just like having phone sex with a guy ..but just with a girl? " She had it a little too simple, but I think she just was ready to start doing SOMETHING ....it was a segue comment.

"No ..you know its different without even asking me. It's just about being with someone while you are turned on ...I mean I did it with one girl and .."

"Brenda," she interrupted, "just HOW many times have you done it with girls ..if you dont mind me asking."

"I don't mind ...its like...well ...its more than ....its around a dozen women I guess....and like .its different every time. Like I was saying with one girl, she wants to tell you all this, if we were together first i'd do this and then I'd do that to you" and I just wasn't really into it that much. There have been a few that wanted it that way ..and I just have to explain to them thats not me. But ...its better to just be with someone that you know is as turned on as you and hear each other getting closer and coming. But its to each their own I guess. I think every time I ever did it I was already completely soaked by the time we even dialed up ..so the coming and the moans and groans were unavoidable."

I heard a smile in her voice. "Well...I wanna with you....will you with me?"

"I'll do anything with you...just know its different with you because ...we make love."

""Maybe it's better," she said astutely."so how do we do this." I guess it's up to me ...wondering if I was up to the challenge.

"Well ..I don't need to ask you if you're horny cause you already are telling me that," I said.

"....yeah....i mean...do YOU want to ..its not just about me?"

"Oh gawd I'm so wet every time we talk ..no matter what."

"yeah me too"

"its always like that"

"yeah ..me too"

"Well ...why don't you explain to me ..not what you'd do to ME ..but I'd like to know what its like when you make yourself come ...like when you are alone .."

That was an idea...but I had other ideas and would clip comfortably into another way of building her excitement.

"Well ...I usually, almost always start with my boobs and just stroke them and grasp one or then the other sometimes....my nipples get....ummm... erect ...stiff...and begin to ache a pleasant ache ..and then sooner or later I start to finger myself a little and then, alot, and when its time to come I go fast and concentrate more and try to let it go the most i can ...so I find if I let myself make noise I can come longer and harder and better. "

"I want to watch you do that," she said, and I replied, "and I want to watch you do yourself." "We can do that sometime." "Yeah maybe."

"Do you use one hand or two," she asked.

"I use both ...but its hard to do that with one hand on the phone " I laughed," I think I almost always do it like I use my left hand when I start and get it wet and get relaxed...and then, I lick my fingers on my right hand so they are warm and wet when they ...ummm...join in ..and then its like its on...and then its like...my right hand is either fingering my clit at various speeds ..and textures ...and my other hand is either pulling back my lips, or touching whatever other erogenous zones demand attention ...or are squeezing and lifting my tits." I knew what I was telling her was exciting her and could hear her breathing indicate I was having an effect on her. I began to tickle my clit as I talked to her and imagined she was already going over herself...I just wondered how far so far ..but I didn't dare yet ask.

"Do you suck on your tits while you are doing it ? " she inquired.

"Almost every time at least a little. Not much but I like to be reminded of both how it feels to have them sucked..and you know how much I love sucking on a woman's breasts. And yours darling are the most wonderful."

"Whys that?"

"The skin is so soft and creamy, your nipples get so hard in between my lips, and oh...mmmmm ," I moaned into the phone," "I'm thinking of how good it feels to suck them and feel you react, and finger your wet pussy while I do it."

Her breathing was shallow and response almost terse..."you are?"

She was getting hornier by the second ..or, like me, had started this process that way. We were going fast and it was time for me to take her.

" Why dont you take your fingers and circle them around your nipples. Tell me about your npples."

Well that makes them large..and hard.

"Pinch them...pull them away from you."

"mmm kay' The gasp and sound of excitment in her voice let me know she was doing as I directed.

I began to show my own excitement heightening now as I spoke to her ...forcing out on a few words or a phrase in betweenpauses while I considered what to say next...and while I considered what motion to provide to my pussy, teasing it with my free hand, but not fully furiously fingering just yet. "when I suck on your npples baby....(pause) I love how hard they (pause) are (long breath adn a pause) ...the way the get soooo stiff in between my lips....ohhhhh gawd it feels so good to suck your nipples."

"are you fignering your pussy like I love to do?" She asked...perhaps willing to assert control, but I was not ready to pass the baton. "Yes...slowly teasing...keeping it interested...but don't you do it yet...keeping pinching your nipples for me...do you want my mouth on your tits ?" "yes" "Then suck....your....nipple for me...put the phone down if you need to im here...im with you." "I dont need to ." and the wonderful sound of her sucking her nipple came through the phone line. She moaned into both the phone and her tit, and my pussy throbbed even more. "i'm gonna suck on mine now mmm kay." and the answer I got was a muffled moan into her tit which I could imagine she was really sucking on hard.

"are you ready for my fingers now baby" "aauuughh" which I took to mean yes, and the sound was a clear releife for she was needing to advance.

I said a word I almost never say ...but thought for certain it would make her hotter ..for it would make me hot to say it. "Tell me how et your .....cunt is?" I ennunciated the word like a news broadcaster. The timber of her voice went a full pitch higher. "ooooh..im sooooo wet. Oh how I need to come."

"not yet baby...not yet...please wait for me." And what she said back was a faint "uh huh" but I could hear in her voice she was losing control.

"Oh please please please please Brenda," she moaned the whispered words. "Please what bbaby," "suck my pussy like you do ...please make me come ..oh..mmmm..please I need to let it go."

"I wanna put my lips around it, suck it like a little stiff cock and twist my tongue all around it," I said and them moaned, "mmnnggg" while my tongue made the motion in the air in front of me.

"suck ...my.....cunt" she said the word back to me and I rumbled head to toe with an electrical charge of excitment while my fingers crawled inside me to add top the sensation of my circling thumb on my clit. "Im fucking myself but I can only think of you."

"I want you to take your finger and slowly circle your clit...not on your clit..jus slowly around it...at the base of it...push against it...but not right on your clit...can you do that." "yes...oh yes...." "now get your finger in your wet pussy," "so wet", (now long hard breaths between each word if not syllable" and ////baby ...///its.///time...to////finger yourself...as fast as my tongue wants to lick your pussy and feel your juices all over my lips, and chin, and ..." and that was it for me and...for her too.

We quit talking ..we both started panting, moaning, calling each others name, sometimes one after the other, sometimes at the same time. "im coimng ," followed by a predictable "I'm coming too," and the sounds of both of our convulsions and orgasmic delights went into our phones and to each others ears and loins and further into each others hearts.

Akiss2desire on Chat Rooms, Cyber Sex, Phone Sex, and buying a Strap On for Lacy

This is probably my most personal, revealing post ever.  Letting it out here.   Think I found the right picture to illustrate though..except I am bbw and Lacy is ..well she isnt.

There is someone I met online that is captivating me in a way that I have not been captivated by an online friend in many a year.   Lacy is UBER smart ..while it is probably clear to those who read my writing often that I am far from it.  She is my needle in a haystack ...the woman I hope to meet (as in for real...not just online)  who lives 2 hours drive nearby and makes me feel comfortable enough to believe that we can take what we are doing online to the next level.   We have made love on the phone, next for us is a real meet with a comfortable bed. We are ready for stage three ...and she has gotten me to do something I thought I might never do ...which I will more fully explain at some point ..but she has gotten me to order a strap-on. Oh I know the hard core lesbians that read my blog are having a good laugh about that ..why I feel so tramatized LOL.  But, she has convinced me its what she wants and prefers when / if we make love ..and the concession I have asked of her is that we don't use it the first time we are together.  SO ...first time without, and if there is a second time, I presume I am going to be doing something I have never been sure I'd be comfortable with ..but I am a giver in bed, and her experiences have led her to believe that this is not only what SHE wants, but also, what I would want when we are together.  It's coming in the mail.  I did it.  I ordered it after agonizing over whether or not I should spend the money and which one to buy.   So be it.   (Am I a dyke now ?) So, let me give you history / background on the online experience that has come to this point.

First of all, I don't engage in cybersex but that is not to say that while we talk we are not having some sort of sex ...its just not typing what we'd do to each other.  I need to admit that I have been getting off with women and unfortunately and unintentionally men pretending to be women for what is now 16 years ...after the first cyber experiences at age 16 with first men, then women met in AOL chatrooms.   There were soooo many men who were seeking someone underage, who got the immediate boot, and the ones who didn't quite believe I was really 16 or even female, but still hung on to conversations curiously were less of a turn on as well.   I developed a rapore with a lesbian wife of a farmer, something a little too similar to what I have now become so many years later, who didn't live but an hour away from me, and who was the first to require that I call her to prove I was female.  After that, we had some extremely steamy conversations online but she said she would not actually do anything with me sexually until I was 18.   I remember trying pretty hard to pursuade her to change her mind ...it wasn't to be and we lost touch without consummating.  It has been a long time but I seem to remember at just the time she said she would give in and meet me ...she vanished.   Back then I would do the kind of cybersex that is "i do this and you do that."   At that stage in my life I was bi-curious by definition ...having not actually done the things I was typing about doing.  I am now not interested in that ...does nothing for me, I don't know why.    I do remember that at that time I would play online with men and boys and had typed out and saved my description of the perfect blowjob.   WHY did it seem like so much fun to get guys off with the same description cut and pasted again and again ...ONE time even posing as a boy and talking with another boy from a nearby high school, exposing his own bi curious side.   These were interesting experiences in primative social networking situations.   Some of this has changed, some has not as I am solicited on a day off with privacy by online friends and acquaintances on facebook,   AIM (which I am new to and learning) and yahoo, which   Yes, when I have a morning off, or a whole day with privacy and can let myself believe that I can waste time online like this, I go looking for love in the wrongest of places just HOPING to find the needle in a haystack friend or lover ...or orgasmic experience ...preferring to find someone to explore  phone intimacy with (a nice girls word for phone sex) because that at least answers the question as to whether or not it is one of the numerous men pretending to be lesbians online. Years ago when yahoo had rooms that were VERY specific, such as "bi virginia moms," (those rooms aren't around anymore) I actually found not one but two lovers that are two of the better experiences with women I have had.   I never rule out that it could happen that way again, but the bi virginia mom rooms, the lesbian phone sex rooms, and the like, are long gone. 

And so, as it goes, half of any conversation online is determining who is jerking my chain. At some point is a determination as to whether our conversation will be about past experiences, future desires, or just chit chat with an erotic bent.  I always think that when you meet someone in a lesbian chatroom, the questions of "are we horny" are pretty much already answered.  But those looking for picture exchange (only), video chatting, cybersex are dismissed, I always hope to find someone who is either nearby enough to consider really meeting, or at least interest me, and I her, enough for a connection to be established and excitement to become foreplay for the masturbatory morning that becomes a shared experience.  I always go to chatrooms first when I plan to masturbate, and if it does not work out there I move on to finding lesbian erotica or trying to find flat out lesbian pornography that seems somewhat genuine and not so fake ...a difficult task....but, always gets the juices flowing and the desired effect achieved.  (have you figured out how much I love to masturbate yet ? LOL)  

Then there is lesbian phone sex.  I wrote about it before, but its just a very intimate thing to connect across the country with someone like that.  Meet in a lesbian chatroom and everyone knows from the start that we both are horny.  Now what to do with it.  I am a noisy orgasmer when I can be...it lets me let it out.  So much more interesting to me to masturbate with emotion rather than just technique ...and the few times that I have actually made a phone connection, it has been a very erotic experience. Arriving at orgasm, hearing her arrive at orgasm that either my chat words or words from this blog have inspired.  Yes, when its over I feel a little guilty and ...where is the cuddling and afterglow ...not there at all.  But for something more than static finger it and get it done masturbation, cybersex will never do it for me because of the likelihood that it is not a woman you are really talking to.  Those questions are answered wholeheartedly on phone. 

Ok...I am getting jaded a bit after so many years and hearing so many lines and being able to predict 85 to 95% of what anyone is going to say or do or react online in chat ...so thats why Lacy is the absolute exception to everyone I ever talked with. For one thing, she is lesbian, not bisexual, and at 26, 6 years younger than me, is as plain jane as to the casual observer as they come.  I think she is absolutely beautiful, but the nerd look glasses, pictures she has sent me with no makeup and the topless pictures show her as no larger than a B cup with the longest, pinkest, most succulent nipples I ever imagined.  She has only ever been with one woman, and her 4 year relationship broke off and left her devastated.  Her sincere earnestness in our conversations has thrilled me to no end.  I haven't yet ...and may never...told her of this blog.  She uses five dollar words with ease, talks about politics and issues and relationships in a category of understanding that is so far beyond me, yet never makes me feel dumb or uneducated or anything other than the girl she has become close to. She doesn't nag me to "come out," like most other true lesbians I have chatted with, and doesn't judge my situation.  She doesn't mind that I am a "big girl."   She, I think, totally understands my need to give pleasure.  

When Lacy and I talk about sex, she shares that her former girlfriend was wonderful to her at first, but they have had so called "lesbian bed death," for the past 3 years and yet never broke  it off until she came home and caught her cheating with her best friend, a girl who she had spurned the advances of to stay true to her roomate, only to catch her roomate in bed with.  Its against the backdrop that she wont even consider a relationship with anyone, and thus, feels like I am perfect for her in that I am ill equipped for anything more than casual sex ...having said that, I am incapable of anything approaching the normal definition of casual sex, as I get my emotions fully involved with anyone I care for, and I don't think she completely understands that I secretly wish for something more with her than what she apparently sees me as.   Anyway...everyone has a way that they like to make love.  For me, I am most comfortable making out, giving oral, giving oral some more, giving alot more oral, maybe a little more oral ...and I like to come too, by tribbing and also, by a returned favor of lots of oral  combined with lots and lots of breast play.  It takes alot for me to get mentally in a place where I can lay back and be "done."  Mostly, she has to convince me that it is what SHE needs is to give me that pleasure ...and if I can mentally get there, I can finally relax and let her ravish me.  (and ravishing is good )  What else can I share.   Well, I get off having my nipples sucked and my tits massaged I think alot more than other women, (as I so enjoy doing that to them) and even though my pussy is screaming for attention from a lovers mouth, I always hate the moment when her mouth leaves my boobs to explore elsewhere ....it does beg for an eventual consummation of the lesbian threesome if one lover can just stay on my tits the whole time I am getting eaten (but thats alot to ask for I know.)  I never want deep penetration, but a little goes a long with men when fingers are joined by mouth.   Once my orgasms start to roll, I am considered multi-orgasmic, and not what they call a squirter but defintely a drencher.  Mostly, the love I love to make with a woman is more about intimacy rather than technique and urgency ...preferring to make out and feel all of the connection.  Not that I havent done a few things, but most would consider me a pretty vanilla and non-kinky lover.  Having said that, I have been fisted once and I do understand how that makes one feel which goes ALOT deeper than just the sexual release.  Was SO INTENSE, and I have to be in the right place mentally for that to ever happen again.  I was in love with the girl who did me that way, and took me there so softly, slowly and gently that we were both amazed in the experience. 

Well, back to the subject at hand, Lacy (of course that isnt her real name)  does love to make love the way I do from all she has said, but also, she won't give up the need for me to fuck her and not just with a vib or a dildo, but she insists what she wants and  needs is me to wear one  ..which she guarantees I will enjoy as much as she.  Well, frankly, it is hard for me to imagine myself with a big rubber dick hanging from my pussy.  I want to try new things and want to be open, especially after the things that Lacy has said to me.    I have never done toys with a woman in bed, and even though I fantasize about the strap on thing and always have, something about it doesn't seem quite right. ..and yet, I admit, something about it intrigues me enough to think that if I am fucking her and we are in total synch with each other emotionally as well as physically, then something about fucking a girl that way seems just right.  Maybe someone can explain to me these hesitations I feel.   I am just afraid that when its the big rubber dick in between us that I am going to lose a connection with her, but what do I have to gain ?   Maybe the more experienced with strap ons can help me.  Lacy says that it will all make sense when I fuck her.  I never had a woman so talk me into something I had been thinking I might never do.  But, its not about the orgasms I am considering this, it is because SHE WANTS this and I WANT to do it with her.  Even as I write this I am considering doing it with her the FIRST time.  Now, as I mentioned, I love grinding . Pussy to thigh, and with trust and comfort, pussy to pussy in sitting up positions and missionary as well with proper effort.   Yes, when tribbing, I have wanted to get deeper, but ..thats with me, not an extension of me.  I keep saying I can get the job done with my fingers and tongue and lips, but Lacy just have a great way of convincing me that when our breasts are bouncing together and her legs are wrapped around me that I will understand what she needs, and because she also understand what a giver I am, she realizes I think that she is tugging my heartstrings in that I always want to do whatever to get my lover off.  So ...we are planning a meeting ..and I have ordered this thing ..and I have to admit the naughty side of me that can't wait to try it on and see how it feels.  Just almost laughing at the thought of me and my strap on dick.  OH MY GAWD ...funny. 

Now ...I know that many women with LOTS more experience with toys and dildos and strap ons read this and are probably laughing and calling me naive or something. Help me understand please.  I just know what I like and prefer ..but Lacy has me convinced that this new experience is going to change me.  I haven't told her I have it, and I am sure she expects to bring hers but when we meet for that second time, if it happens, I am going to surprise her with it. My enchantment with her words and her voice has me doing things I wondered if I ever would ...now I share with you a newfound excitement to find something I am sure most lesbians take as what feels right for them.   She wants me to be her first since the painful breakup ...and I want to give to her all she needs and wants. Its the giver in me. I can't wait to know what its like, and I am tempted to do it with her the first time, but for now, am sticking to my guns and saying no toys our first time.  But I can't help but feel that there will be that moment where she needs more than I have :)I want to give her all I have because she is a very special woman. 

feedback to akiss2desire@gmail.com

For Bi Curious or Perhaps Lesbian in Heart Jill

Jill writes
Hello, I have been reading your blog recently and have been moved (sometimes quite literally). I am 24 years old and only been with guys. But ever since high school and a crush on a best friend, I know that I am a lesbian. It even feels odd, and exhilerating, to type that. I obviously am not out, at all. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to tell my friends or family until I know for certain. Meaning, that I only read about lesbian encounters on blogs like yours or by watching TV and movies with lesbian themes. I don't know how to meet people, yet alone another girl. I am somehere between cute and attractive (depending on my hair that day) and am curvy, but sliming down nicely due to my new obsession of cycling. I see girls all the time that are cute, sometimes I smile, but mostly I am very shy. I guess I am seeking advice and encouragement, so if you have any to offer, I would most definitely appreciate it. Thank you,

Jill,

When I get a letter like yours I always answer, if for no other reason than that I spent so many years wondering if anyone out there had any earthly idea what I was going through....and still feel that way.

Telling someone like me is one thing ...telling someone you have flesh and blood contact with is yet another. And while so many will say that those confessions will set you free, I know as much as anyone that the list of those who "wouldn't understand," is a long and powerful list of friends, family, co-workers and society in general, unfortunately. I think alot of it is where you live ...and alot of it is the company you keep. But having said all that, I did want to address something you note.

You said you "know" you are lesbian ..and that is something that I hope you embrace while you still can ...if you can. For me, I "knew" I was at least bisexual from the moment I understood what bisexual was. You mentioned your involvement with lesbian blogs, tv and movies. I was the same way but for me it happened at a very early age. At about the time all girls were batshit crazy about boys in 6th grade and gossiping about who got their period or pubic hair or kissed a boy, or for that matter, what boys and girls were supposed to do with each other in the dark, Those TV, Movie, Book, and pop culture references to all things lesbian stopped me in my tracks and caused me wonder. There was a fairly defining moment I guess came when I was reading ...for lack of a better term, a sex primer which was graphic in what sex was, as in completely informational, while not being pornographic. I think it was entitled Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask, and there was just a minimal amount in the book about lesbians and bisexual women....or at least not nearly enough for MY curiosity. I can remember though, right then and there, deciding, and a better term would be realizing, that I was at least that. The then frightening thought that I might be a lesbian crossed my mind, and was left undecided (as it turns out for another 16 or so years) ...but the thing I became sure of that day is that there was no way that I was only into boys. I used to babysit for a variety of parents in my early teens and when the parents would leave and I got the kids asleep, I always raided the bookshelves for the steamiest things I could find. (ever wonder why I was writing lesbian erotica from the first moment I got a computer ?) It should tell me something when I look back that soon I no longer felt a fear that I might be a lesbian, rather the new fear I found was that as I continued to have boyfriends and live a "normal" life, that I remember thinking "I don't want to be 40 years old before my first experience with a woman."

So, while day to day in the hallways and the movies and the dances I was always with a boy (lots of boys but thats another story), I remember now that my every INDIVIDUAL pursuit in private time was spent finding delight in lesbian references, erotica, and my own early age "gaydar" which involved imagining almost every woman of nearly every age, from my own friends to my moms friends, and every celebrity for certain, either as a lesbian or bisexual, or at least, as I was, curious. And then, let me at least briefly discuss masturbation. Again, I was masturbating at an earlier age than most ...with no apologies as I blogged about it here long ago, a makeout session with a pillow turned into alot of rubbing and eventually my first orgasm when I was in 5th grade. And at first, yes, I was thinking of boyfriends, but not long after that snap realization that I KNEW I was at least bisexual, in the throes of nearly daily orgasmic release, I almost never fantasized about boys or men. And yes ...when making out and making love with boys and men, the thoughts of women were always in mind. And a very stark memory was getting a hold of Penthouse magazine, with its cheezy "forum " stories and beautiful women. I remember the feelings many have of guilt and confusion, probably because the intensity of connection with the beautiful images I was looking at made me feel, somehow, "100% lesbian" in those masturbatory experiences, and I think at that point I was aware of how HUGE a change in my life being "100% lesbian" would be ..just wasn't ready to go there, ya know. But ..trust me...when I was coming over those airbrushed, large breasted, bleach blonde bimbos, I was as "100% lesbian" as can be....guilt or no guilt.

So I tell you all this to relate that while I had a "normal" life, secretly, I was waiting, hoping, and trying to create a lesbian sexual experience, which seemed harder than climbing Mount Everest. It didn't happen til I was 18 ...and I blogged about that first experience too. But the time from when I KNEW and from when I was in that "this is ACTUALLY HAPPENING" moment with my first, it was like eternity. Like it was everyday, and more correctly, every night in the dark, when I would wonder, "when, when WHen, WHEN !! is it going to happen." There were crushes I couldn't get past the fear of making the make or break move ..and total rejection and emotional devestation when I came out (and came on) to my best friend who I was SURE I was going to be making love with after I came out to her, and instead got the "Im not that way" response, and the end of a wonderful friendship. When the winds blow us together, even though its been 15 years, it's still awkward ...probably because she knows that I STILL wish she WAS that way then, and if she ever becomes that way, that I would wish she would become that way with her.

So Jill, you ask for advice and I am one voice of many perhaps that you should consult. But, mine would be to be prepared for rejection when and if you get the nerve to turn your bedroom fantasies into realities, and try not to let it devastate you. But as much as you need to steel yourself for a possible letdown, also know that you can also prepare yourself for something I am sure you already know is not even in the same universe as anything you have done with men. When you can find your way into her arms, your lips upon hers in that first kiss, and eventually making love, I assure you that while whatever emotions and intimate fulfillments you feel are of the moment and between you and your girl, the sexual and orgasmic realities will be earth shattering ..dare I say, life shattering ..at least for the part of your life that is your sexuality. I am sure it is different for everyone, but giving pleasure and feeling a womans reactions to my commitment to her pleasure and the tools of the trade so to speak of lips, tongue, fingers, hands, skin, passion, and MOST importantly, the intimate connection between two women making love, have been the most powerful and fantastic moments of my sexual life....and the thing I have grown to crave more of every minute, hour and day. I don't know how different I am, but lesbian sexual obsession ...amongst the day to day tasks of family, work and living , is a constant background noise of lesbian what ifs, how if's, and when again's that are like a constant, and acceptable companion.

While you inspired me to write about ME, I encourage YOU to find your path with no regrets. While I do think sometimes I wish I had known at an early age that I was lesbian, and not just bisexual as I believed, without the lateness of that realization, I would not have the life I have with my beautiful child. Life is more important than sex ..but don't kid yourself, sex is what we all desire constantly, and since you say you know there is a virgin lesbian inside you, I hope you find what works for you and devote some energy and as much vulnerability as you are comfortable with to find the intimate, emotional, and indeed, lesbian sexual high points of your life.

Finally, you mentioned that I was taking time to write you, a "stranger." Honey, while I write what I write on my blog because I can't imagine NOT writing what I write, for I have always written from the head, the heart, and my pussy, I have to tell you that the payment I get is having contact with someone as nice as you seem to be and hoping that by starting this blog so long ago, crossing paths with you and others like you, becomes my purpose for blogging. When you say it moved you, that moves me ....if it gets you off, so it does for me as well.

her first kiss

"My partners' and my kiss were both our first kiss. And we waited until we had been dating for a while, then took a train trip together down to New Orleans, to make sure we would still like each other when irritated and on the road.

We kissed after a Hurricane at Pat O Brians, in a small garden just after midnight in the french quarter of New Orleans. And we have been working on our kisses ever since."